With Loss

13. Long way home

>I WENT TO A 5SOS CONCERT LAST NIGHT AND I SAW THE AUTHOR OF REMEMBER TO FORGET BUT LIKE I NEEDED TO FIND MY SEATS SO I COULDN'T SAY HI BUT OMG THE CONCERT WAS AMAZING
These people worked for so long to make these orange hearts that we all held up during beside and omg the guys where so happy saying how they've never seen an orange arena OMG IT WAS BEUATIFUL😍😍 just look at the picture

this is shorter then I wanted it to be but I don't have anything else to add
I'll be updating soon after this too<

My breathing hitched.
My hands didn't stop tugging at my hair.
My eyes never stopped leaking.

The sound was horrible.
The fit horrible as well.
The plan well that came to view not even five minutes ago.

One little swipe from this blade I'll bleed.
That's not enough.
Now one deep swipe from this blade won't do it either.
So again I try and again I cry.

"I'm sorry" I whisper hopping it would reach to those I love.

I take as many deep cuts as I need to fill up my arms.
I have never done this much.
I have never done it this deep.
I have only once in my life seen so much blood.
I wish mom never saved me.
I wish that this is the last time I try this.

The letters!
They're wrong.
I wrote them before Ashton.
Before Luke.
Before Mark.
Before Brook.
Before when I had eight people to say sorry to.
Before loss.

I have to change them. I get up ignoring the dizziness and the drops of ruby blood from my arm.

2 days before

"Hi I'm wondering where Mrs. Lockwood is. She wasn't in her room" I ask the lady at the desk.

"Hold on" she says putting a finger up, "she's been in immediate surgery all morning she should be out soon"

"Surgery? For what?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"We were told by Mrs. Lockwood not to give out her information" she informs me.

I groan and make my way back to Calum.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"She's in surgery" I tell him,

"What why?" He asks frantically.

"They won't tell me" I frown.

"Maybe it's nothing?" Calum shrugs and I groan.

"You know something" I whine.

"I really don't know what the surgery's about, honest" he says holding his hands up as a surrender.

"Calum please if you know something tell me" I say my eyes starting to brim with tears.

"Amethyst don't cry, please. Ashton isn't here and you'll make me cry" he says his eyes starting to get glossy.

"Cal you're only crying because you know something but won't tell me" I state.

"That's true I won't tell you" he whispers and I take a step closer to him.

"I swear to god Calum if something happens to my grandma and I find out you didn't tell me I will...."

"Mrs. Green?" Someone says from behind me.

I turn around and see the lady at the desk standing behind me.

"Yes miss.... Turner?" I ask reading her name tag.

"Mrs. Lockwood is out of surgery and Dr. Herondale and Dr. Gray are asking for you" she informs me.

>for those of you who have read The Infernal Devices there will be more jokes later on sorry not sorry<