Notorious

Cynical

"You shagged him didn't you?"

If I wasn't already severely impaired I may have cared that I spit out my gin at the question, the drink dribbling down my chin and onto my grey tank.

Avery lets out a delighted giggle at the sight and I thank whoever is up there that the music is so loud in this crowded pub that no one else at our booth can hear our conversation. Niall goes on chugging his beer and Zayn and Liam continue to debate the benefits of their good friend Mary Jane.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, please," Avery snorts obnoxiously, swaying on her seat and tossing back her blonde hair, "the secretive smiles, the undressing each other with your eyes, and don't think I forgot walking in on you two in the bathroom!"

"I forgot toilet paper!" The unconscious smile on my face couldn't even convince myself of the lie.

Avery just rolls her eyes and downs her shot and the smile slips right off my face when Liam's laughter cuts right through the silence and suddenly all I can think about is the conversation I heard less than four hours ago and the man that is waiting for me at some karaoke bar as we speak.

"...Her and I... There is nothing between us, okay? And there never will be. I have no romantic feelings for her."

Since the moment I walked into this pub to when I ordered my third gin and tonic I've been trying to convince myself that he had been lying, that he was just trying to keep what we had private.

Or maybe Liam wasn't even talking about us? Maybe, just maybe he was talking about Avery? Maybe Liam has really been in love with her this whole time and was just misreading the situation.

But, the other alternative won't leave my head –it keeps rearing its ugly head back in and I am forced to face reality.

Harry is notorious. Notorious for being a player, a womanizer –for using women and tossing them away like yesterday's trash. I could be just another notch on his belt like I originally thought. There is a stack of evidence against him.

But, then I remember his honest confession of almost-love and the way he held me all night after we slept together. But, I also remember Amanda and his harsh words and cowardice and I can't even distinguish what is real and what was a front.

So, I drink.

A lot.

"Why the hell does Harry keep ringing me?" Niall groans, eyes squinting at his phone and I am quick to snatch it from his hands.

"It's rude to be on your phone when you're out with friends."

I had turned off my phone after the first three missed calls and texts, after the clock struck nine and I was sure that Harry would begin to panic, wondering why I didn't meet him at the bar. But, even I didn't predict that he would call other people.

Clever little shit.

"Well, now he's calling me." Liam, the only sober one at the table, pulls his phone out and goes to answer, but I interrupt him.

"Weird, didn't you just speak to him?"

His eyebrows furrow at first, face contorted into confusion, but then this look crosses his face –this look in between a mixture of fear and panic and I know then that there is more to that conversation than I heard. Something that I was obviously not meant to hear.

Any other day and I would've pressed it, asked why Liam looks like he is going to shit himself, ask what I missed, but my mind is slow and Liam's reaction is completely forgotten as soon as Zayn opens his mouth.