Notorious

Passion

*This is an early update so make sure you have read the last one, 'Disingenuous.'*

"Aspen, I will die if you don't let me."

I try to bite back my laughter as I continuously shake my head, trying to walk into his sleek bathroom, but am pulled backwards once again.

"And how will you supposedly die if I don't let you in the shower with me?"

Harry pauses, seeming to think for a bit before a devilish smile curls up his lips, "Blue balls?"

A half-laugh, half-gasp escapes my lips as I place my hand on his shirtless chest and shove him away from me, walking into the bathroom and nearly closing the door behind me until he wedges his foot in.

"I knew it! You just want to sex me up! Every time I let you shower with me it always ends up with the water running cold and hickies all over my neck!"

He peeks his head in between the door, shooting me puppy dog eyes and pouting his lips, "I'll be good, I promise. Scouts honor."

I narrow my eyes at him, "Were you ever even a Boy Scout?"

"Nope."

My chest shakes with laughter as I push all my weight against the door to close it, but Harry manages to slip in before I get the chance, "Harry, no! We don't have time to fool around! We have rehearsal in an hour!"

And then, something I never thought I would see -Harry falls to his knees. Okay, so I have seen that before, but not in this context.

"Please, Aspen. I won't try a thing, I promise! Please, please, please!"

And that is how I end up in the shower with Harry... again.

"Oh, stop pouting. Be happy you get to gaze upon this glorious, glistening body." Harry grins as he steps into the shower after me, closing the glass door behind him.

I can only sigh, shaking my head, "I'm only disappointed in myself. You always get your way, don't you?"

He shrugs, reaching for his loofah, "When your this good looking, it's hard not to."

"And so modest." I sarcastically mumble under my breath, grabbing the razor I left here last time.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

We're at this odd place in the relationship where Harry is hiding something from me and I know he is, but he doesn't know I know. And he won't know until I know what he is hiding.

Even I am a tad confused.

I have called Liam a few times in the hopes of dragging some information out of him seeing as how he is the weakest link out of the two.

Alas, he has not answered a single one of them and I can't help but feel that Harry is to blame for that. He can't avoid me forever, especially since we have a rehearsal today. I am hoping to corner him at Niall's somehow. Get something out of him.

The guilt that stirs my stomach is warranted, but I tamp it down. If Harry is hiding something, why should I feel bad for doing the same?

Or maybe all of this will blow up in my face. Maybe I'm playing with fire and am bound to get burned.

But, I just don't want to be blindsided again.

"Will you sing for me, Aspen?"

Having momentarily forgotten where I am and whom I am with, I nearly jump out of my skin at the reminder. When I turn around to face him, Harry is washing the suds off his body, the butterfly on his stomach become clearer as the bubbles are wiped clean.

When my eyes travel up to meet his emerald ones they are darkened slightly, focused on my breasts.

I gulp harshly, "I'm sorry, what?"

He closes his eyes and shakes his head to refocus on the task at hand and repeats himself one more time, gaze soft and voice cautious yet pleading.

"Harry, no. You know I can't."

Gently, he cups my cheeks and presses a light kiss against my lips, "You can, but you won't."

My eyes squeeze shut, the thought of singing again, even if in front of just one person, has panic crawling up my throat and my face paling. I'm just not ready.

"Harry, I-" my voice shakes slightly and I sigh, opening my eyes to meet his once more, "I'm not ready. I can't."

"You are ready. Please, Aspen. It's just you and I. You know how much I love your voice, how it inspired me to change for the better. Let me hear it again, it's so lovely. You are so lovely."

"Harry-" I begin to protest, but he shakes his head, hands smoothing down my wet hair, a fond smile on his lips, dimples deep in his cheeks.

"It's just you and me, Aspen. You and me. One song and I will shut up about it."

Even though my heart is beating erratically and my palms are sweating I can't deny the offer doesn't entice me the more he talks about it. I haven't sang a single note in over six months, but who better to do it in front of again than Harry, the man I love?

I loved Louis once but he quieted my voice by constantly insulting it -spurred from jealousy.

Harry, on the other hand, has vowed to heal me and has made it known that he is my biggest fan. Isn't it safe then to sing in front of him?

Since watching the old tape of the band that Harry showed me, the tickle in my throat has only grown. The want to sing again - to feel the way I felt that day again. Free, happy, confident...

So, why not start today, no matter how terrifying it may seem?

"You really do always get what you want, huh?"

As soon as the words leave my lips, Harry smiles so wide that I fear his dimples may be imbedded in his cheeks permanently. He looks like a kid in a candy store and it quells my nerves slightly.

"Really? You're okay with it? I don't want to force you?"

I roll my eyes because he knows I couldn't possibly say no with him looking at me like that. I grab his shampoo off the ledge and shove it at his chest.

"Yes, I think it will be good for me. But, you can't watch - t will just make me nervous. Turn around and wash your hair. No peeping."

He raises his brow as if testing if I'm serious and I only raise one back in response. He doesn't challenge me -only raising his hands up in surrender, that same dopey grin on his face.

Once he's fully turned, shampoo poured into his palm, I begin to gear myself up. Slow breaths in and heavy breaths out, shaking out my hands and clearing my throat.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

But, still, my mouth doesn't open. Harry sighs lightly the longer I am silent and begins to turn to face me.

"Aspen-"

I grab his face in my hand, turning it away from me and shoving it under the stream so the shampoo washes from his hair. I can do this again, but I don't want him watching, I need to do this with just me.

I squeeze my eyes shut, take a deep breath, and for the first time in a long time, I sing.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly..."

The slow, haunting melody fills the stall, the acoustics reverberating around us and making my soft voice sound loud, strong, echoing. Even if it is quivering slightly from nerves.

Harry stills under my hands as the lyrics fall from my lips, my throat vibrating from the throaty tone of my voice. It's uncomfortable at first, but it get easier very quickly, just like riding a bike. Something you never forget.

It's lilting, emotional, and smooth and it sends a chill through my spine, my voice growing louder with every line, though no more confident.

"Blackbird fly... Into the light of the dark black night."

My voice quivers slightly from the relief of singing for the first time in so long or because my nerves are getting the best of me, I'm not sure which, but I am losing momentum quickly, the fear settling back into my bones.

"Blackbird fly... You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

As soon as the last note is finished, my voice dying off at the end, Harry turns to me instantly. The pleased grin that was on his lips before has been replaced with a small one, filled with awe. I, on the other hand, am trembling unbelievably. Both adrenaline and fear coursing through my veins.

He is silent for a while, just simply looking into my eyes and the longer he doesn't say anything the more my anxiety grows. Instead of saying something, he leans down to grab the shampoo bottle, smile frozen on his face, as he pours some into his palm and begins to massage it into my hair.

I close my eyes at the feeling, my chest swelling once Harry speaks again, "It's just like I remembered."

It's only then that it hits me - I sang. I finally sang again and it's all because of Harry. If he hadn't have pushed me, I probably would've never tried again – never seen the point.

I know that I am nowhere back to normal, that I don't sound nearly as confident or as strong. I know that it will be quite a while before I am singing in bars and in front of others again.

But... I sang.

"How did it feel?" He asks, turning us so that my head can run under the water and wash the shampoo out of my hair.

"Terrifying," I laugh, opening my eyes and meeting his soft green ones with a growing smile, "And freeing."

He only beams more, "God, that voice... It's so ethereal, so hypnotizing... How did you ever doubt yourself? How could he ever make you doubt yourself?"

Even the mention is like a knife in my chest and I think I have had enough progress for today. I am still running on the adrenaline, but I know how quickly that can change. I grab the bottle of conditioner, pouring enough in both of our palms.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. We have to hurry or we will be late."

He pouts only slightly, but it doesn't take long for his smile to return. I did make quite a leap today, after all.

We are silent as we rub the conditioner into our hair, eyes never leaving each other. Harry quickly washes his out and I follow his lead, dipping my hair beneath the stream and closing my eyes.

I can feel his eyes burning into my body, and although I ignore it, my skin heats up anyway.

"Do you remember the day I took you to see the cherry blossoms?"

A smile instantly lights up my face at the memory. One of the first days I actually thought Harry was a decent person, though it didn't start out that way.

"You mean the day you promised to be my 'friend'? That didn't last very long." I snort and peak open my eye to see him roll his.

"I was thinking more about the part where you told me what an aesthetic was. Do you remember what you said to me?"

I purse my lips, not remembering anything too particular I said to him and Harry sighs, grabbing my body wash –coconut, that I bought to keep here- and lathers it in his hands.

"You told me that I would find my aesthetic someday, do you recall?" But he doesn't give me a chance to answer before he begins lathering the soap around my shoulders and up my neck.

"You're it for me, Aspen. You are my aesthetic," He whispers, voice gravelly, but eyes clear as he brings his palms down the length of my arms, "You are the one thing I find most beautiful in the world. Your smile, your eyes, your laughter, kindness, wit, and intelligence."

And it's moments like these that make me want to pretend his dishonesty had never happened. To forget the whole thing.

My chest swells at his words and goosebumps arise on every inch of my body as Harry speaks again, every word enunciated with a kiss against my collarbone, my neck, my jaw, and finally, my lips.

"You. Are. So. Beautiful."

I moan into his mouth when his lips meet mine: confident, but soft and warm, and hands never stopping their mission to clean my body.

Gentle, calloused hands slide down my chest to rub my breasts, thumbs grazing my nipples and causing me to moan into his mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck just as his hands travel down my stomach -lower, lower, lower...

I gasp into his mouth just as his tongue sweeps in, licking into my mouth and tasting like the tea he had for breakfast and the love he has for me. His hands leave me and slide around to my back, grasping the flesh of my behind in his palm roughly, a deep groan rattling his touch at the feel.

"How is it," He pants, releasing my lips to kiss down my neck, "That no matter how many times I take you, how many positions I have you in, it doesn't matter. My hunger for you is never satisfied?"

A low moan slips past my lips at his words just as he licks a stripe up my neck before sucking on the flesh at the base of my throat. My fingernails scratch down his chest and Harry shivers in response, our desire growing, quite literally, between us.

"Just touch me, Harry."

His hand slides up my back and I can feel him smirk into my neck, "What's the magic word?"

I groan in frustration, tired of his smug attitude and games, deciding to take matters into my own hands. I drop my hands from his chest to slide them down my stomach to where I am burning the most.

As soon as I make contact, I mewl instantly and Harry pulls away in shock, eyes dropping to where my fingers meet my bundle of nerves and instantly darkening.

The water continues to cascade down my body and I only lean into it, enjoying the pressure and enjoying Harry's burning gaze on me.

I'm anything but quiet as I continue to tease myself; my chest rising and falling rapidly and my fingers dipping down to slip inside.

A guttural moan shocks me slightly and my eyes snap open only to close in pleasure when I see Harry. He is touching himself -stroking himself slowly with one hand while the other leans against the wall to steady himself. But, his eyes... his eyes are trained on me; dark and hooded and like he has never seen anything so enchanting.

Water droplets trail down his body, glistening against his array of tattoos. His hair sticks to his face and his chest is flushed and lips popped open, low groans emitting through it. And he has never seemed more desirable.

His eyes ever so slowly trail up my body, lingering on my heaving breasts, my lips, before latching onto my eyes. We both freeze once they meet -both dark and full of lust- but only for a second.

And then we lunge for each other.