Dancaholic

10. You're Not Welcome

I was walking along the beach, the sun beginning to set to my right. It was a beautiful evening. Seeing as my audition is now just three more sleeps away, I thought it would be nice to have a little alone time. Considering how much work I've been doing lately, it's nice to have time to relax. Walking along the beach has always calmed me, I don't know why.

That's when I saw him. I couldn't help it; I stopped cold in my tracks. He was standing only a few feet away from me. He looked exactly as I remembered him. Around 6 feet tall, broad shoulders, dark shaggy hair, green eyes. So that's where I get my green eyes from. Still doesn't explain my auburn hair though...

"Amber," Josh said smiling, inturrupting my thoughts.

 "Leave me alone," I say coldly.

"Come on, don't be like that."

I just glare at him.

"How about we go have some food and we'll have a chat? You must be hungry," He said walking closer.

"No."

"Come on, it's not like it'll hurt."

"I'm busy." Man he was persistant. He was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Really? I don't think walking aong the beach counts as being busy," He said, raising an eyebrow.

That's it. I can't hold it in anymore.

"You didn't expect to just come back here and think that everything will be alright? That we'll be one big, happy family? That everything will be forgotten and most of all, forgiven? The fact is, you walked away from us. You chose alcohol over us. I will never forgive you. I hate you," I shouted.

"How dare you talk to me like that! I am your father. Treat me with respect," He shouted back.

"What? Like how you treated ME with respect all those years ago? Like how you treated mum with respect? Sure, you may be my biological father, but I will never call you 'Dad' or 'Daddy'. I don't know you, you don't know me. That's the way it should be. No, that's the way it's always been. Why should I treat you with respect when you never treated me with respect?"

Josh let out a long sigh. "I know, I was rotten to you and your mother. I'm sorry for that. You've got to know, if I could go back and take it all back, I would. In a heart beat. It was the alcohol. It wasn't me. I never meant all those things I said to you and your mother back then. You need to know, I've changed. I've been sober for nearly 10 years now."

"It doesn't change anything. You still abused us. You still walked away." I start turning away.

"Wait" he says, while reaching out and grabbing my elbow.

"No!* I flinch away from his touch. "Don't you understand? I'm tired of waiting. Stop trying. Stop pretending that you care. When I know you don't!" I say, beginning to walk away.

Why can't he just leave me alone?

"Dawn."

One word. One name. That's all it took to stop me in my tracks.

"Wh-what did you say?" I stutter.

"Dawn. You sang together right up until the end. You're talented, you know that, right? You have got a truly amazing voice. It's a gift - a gift you're wasting. You visit Dawn's grave every year on the day of her death, 25th May, and on her - your - birthday, 17th March. You're wasting your talent on singing to Dawn's grave. A voice like yours should be shared with the world. Have you even sung in public since her death?" Josh says, taking a step closer to me.

"What's wrong with me singing to Dawn's grave? She was my best friend; she was my sister. As you said, we were always singing together. Have you thought about what I wanted? Maybe I don't want to sing in public, maybe I don't want my voice to be heard. Have you even thought about that?"

"I don't understand."

I couldn't help it, I scoffed. "That's not surprising."

He looked at me with a wounded expression on his face. I don't know why but I felt kind of bad, so I explained.

"I mean.." I sighed. "It's not surprising you don't understand because you haven't been around. You didn't know her, you don't know me so how could you possibly know what I want, or in this case, don't want?"

"Okay, well what don't you want? To sing?"

"Yes, to sing. In public. I don't want to sing in public. It's just not right. It's not fair on Dawn."

"What's this got to do with Dawn? She has passed on. You can still sing without her."

"No. It's not fair that I'm still alive but she's not. It's not fair that I can sing anytime but she can't. It was Dawn's dream to be a singer; not mine. She'll never be able to fillful her dream but I still have a chance to fillful mine. She was only 11. She was taken away far too early."

Oh no, I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Don't cry, Amber. Don't cry. Not infront of him.

"Life works in mysterious ways. You never know what's coming around the corner. One thing I do know, is that Dawn wouldn't want you to punish yourself for her death; it wasn't your fault. She'd want you to live life to the fullest."

"Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive because remember you have only one life to live." I quoted, thinking back.

 "Huh?" Josh said, looking confused.

"It's what Dawn always said to me. Whenever I thought about you. She didn't believe in hate or grudges. She thought they were just a waste of time. Life's too short to dwell in the past, she'd say." I sniffed.

"She sounds like she was an amazing girl. I-I wish I could've gotten to know her."

Great, I could feel a few tears escape my eyes. I could feel them rolling down my cheeks. Not here. Not now.

"Yeah, well, you can't," I say, wiping my tears away. "You can't change the past," I glare pointedly at Josh.

"I know. Again, I'm sorry about that. I wish-"

"No point in wishing. It won't work. Wishing something won't change anything," I say, inturrupting him. "Just like my thoughts on you won't change anything."

With that, I stormed off towards the carpark. I'm not sticking around any longer. I don't want to hear his 'mistakes', what makes him think that? Yeesh.