Missing in Action

Chapter 014

The meal, after they'd woken Brendon up, was more strained and uncomfortable than anything the four had ever shared. And there wasn't food enough although it was the kind of quantity Ryan, had he been on his own, would have been expected to eat during a whole day. He had made sure the others didn't watch as he took his serving, didn't want them asking why he was making it be only half the size of theirs. They didn't need to know that their food supply wasn't bottomless. Besides, he wasn't really hungry.

Once he finished he put Jon in charge and got up himself to walk a large circle around the campsite, making sure the area was secure. It was nice to be alone for a bit, get away from the oppressing presence of the others now that they knew his actual identity. At the same time he still just tried his very hardest to keep from thinking about everything, but it wasn't exactly easy. And he could only stretch the surveillance so far before they'd start to wonder where he was. With a sigh, he returned to where Jon and Spencer seemed to have at least thought far enough ahead to wash what little dishes they had made. Brendon still looked the worse for wear, and something in Ryan just wouldn't stop clenching whenever he looked at him. So he made sure not to do it too much. "You three get some sleep," Ryan said softly. "I'll take first watch."

Brendon had picked at his food, mostly, taken a few bites and then discovered that eating made him want to throw up. He'd grimaced and spooned his serving into the other two's bowls, but the sick feeling lingered long after they retired. He curled up close to Spencer, and though he could hear the boy snore softly, he couldn't seem to manage getting to sleep himself. Not surprising, really, when he thought about everything that had happened. He was still worried about his mother, and he hated not being in charge of a situation. Not only was this little excursion completely out of his control, but there was an attack going on that he knew nothing about. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, shuddering breath, quickly wiping a tear that had slipped down his cheek and was making its way into his hair. It wasn't far from being the right time to cry, of all the moments in his life, but it certainly wouldn't be cautious to do it with the other three right next to him. Holding his breath, he listened, trying to see if he could hear them all breathing peacefully. When he was satisfied that he could (though Spencer's snoring might have been the only thing he could really hear), he carefully slipped away, looking down at the ground to make sure not to walk on any twigs or anything else that would make too much noise. He didn't walk far, of course, but he leaned against a tree, out of view, and tilted his head back against it, letting his eyes close again. He wasn't ashamed of the tears that followed. He was angry with himself, though, about the whole Ryan situation. And embarrassed, and regretting the last few months. It didn't sit well that he hadn't seen through the boy's disguise. He had, literally, failed everyone he loved, not to mention his country.

Ryan, still on watch, had heard someone get up and walk a little distance away, but he recognized the sound and rhythm of Brendon's footsteps almost immediately and kept his eyes straight ahead instead of watching where Brendon was going. The younger boy must've not heard it when Ryan informed them he was taking the watch, which meant he would obviously still be awake, but he couldn't exactly blame the Prince for being absent-minded. Ryan shuddered slightly at the thought of going through what Brendon had been through this night. It was all bad enough from Ryan's viewpoint. He couldn't even imagine what it must be like for the younger boy. He kept listening to the footsteps until they stopped, still close enough that Ryan could easily intervene if something happened, and satisfied with that, he decided to leave Brendon be for now. The Prince, Ryan imagined, needed a little time alone. And no matter how much he itched to comfort the younger boy, he knew he'd only make things worse.

Quite a while passed, and Ryan's eyes were starting to droop. He was finally beginning to feel the effects of being awake for well over a day after a week of very unstable sleep. He knew he should wake up Jon soon to take over for a few hours before Ryan couldn't stay awake anymore and left them unguarded. And he really should remind Brendon not to go too far and to keep his ears open. And definitely to get some sleep. Well, maybe he needn't actually wake Jon yet. Ryan got up with a slight yawn and crossed the clearing, making sure he made enough sound that the younger boy would know someone was coming. "Brendon," he murmured when he was just a few feet away. "If you could keep watch for a few hours, that would be good. Wake Jon when you want to sleep." He took a deep breath and turned around to walk away. Hopefully at least feeling like he was doing something to help the little group would help Brendon feel less helpless. Ryan could only hope.