the stage manager is tearing seams and drinking salty coffee (a book of poems by

leave the river to tend to me (blue neighborhood)

Shaking hands eased by the rushing water of the falls, I let myself slip into the river, rocks bumping my cold head, my mermaid hair swished into a crown. I can't hold myself up longer, I won't. I'm so tired.

leave this blue neighborhood

I am thrown into the rapids, my eyes wide open and clear as I am swum to another location, another world. The cracks in my lips, my throat, are barely visible now. No one could hear me underwater, anyway. There's too much serenity in the flowing of a river, anyway. No one hears me on land, anyway.

never knew loving could hurt this good

They've stopped me in a pond where I sink to the murky bottoms, with all the fish moving round me. The hurt has stopped, and the calmness is sinking in. All I can see is my reflection at the top. My bruised body, pale fingers and toes, mermaid hair back in its human place. I close my eyes for the first time in a billion years, nothing but the sound of my own breathing in my ears, and the gentle roar of the water. I finally rest.

and it drives me wild, wild, wild

I stay there for years. No one is looking for me. The girls who have loved me have discarded me like a fraying rose. Lilies grow out of my wrists, my thighs, the scars that have been forgotten. They all think I've been lost daydreaming. I know I am not. Every time the river wraps me in her arms I sigh and nestle into her love. I will never leave. I will never hurt again.

9.6.15

my name is coll i love troye sivan and water. (if you didn't know the italicized parts are from the song wild by troye sivan.) this a weird visualization thing of something I really want: to float down a river completely unharmed and proceed to stay there for the rest of time.

also why can't I put the wild music video in the media box? who knows anyway here's the link: https://youtu.be/fdXNNveYOfU

love u v much -coll