I saw Shirley today. She looked happy. Why wouldn't she be?? She has all she deserves.
Anyway... back to my sob-story. I hate to admit but I got bullied again. Thats not even the worst part. I look like a wreck. Bloodshot eyes, dark circles, rugged clothes, messy hair and what not. I think Kaila heard me crying yesterday. Gosh... what would she be thinking??
Did I mention I have this long bloody cut on my hand. Yeah. Self harm it is. It still hurts like a bitch. But its not that bad. I knew I was about to have suicidal thoughts one day. Better late than never. The scar reminds me of what I deserve. I won't tell anyone. They will obviously pity me. Even Shirley.
Its just something about this long narrow scar that makes me want to touch it. My hand seems to have got a little reflex now. When i am anxious or something bad happens I just automatically touch it. It got an undefined power.
If I ever lost my life would anyone even care? Yeah... suicidal thoughts again... I can't help it. They just find a way to enter my non-existing brain.
I have this mask of brightness plastered all over my face when in reality everything behind it is... Broken. I am dwelling here in my misery and people think I get everything served in my hands. I deal with sadness too people. Do not judge me too fast. I have panic attacks. I have my scars. I have me flaws too.
Everyone thinks I am this uptight strong bitch whose arrogant as hell and manages to ace through everything. But no... I agree I come off rude to people. Not mean. But rude. That is because I am scared if I be the sweet type they will know what is actually happening inside. They will know about what I deal with. They will be able to see the hideous scars I so desperately hide.
My life is not even close to being a fairytale where suddenly a prince comes and saves the broken and dying princess. Lets be real for a moment. That shit is never gonna happen. At least not to me. I doubt if anybody can actually save me from all of this. I am not gonna suddenly fall in love and you know come out of all these insecurities, bullying, mom-dad fights, etc etc
"Can you for once just come out of your room and stop sinking in your thoughts Jess. I am tired of dealing with you!!", my mother yelled at me barging straight into my room.
Its the daily show. Don't worry. I have heard worse than this to be honest. 'Totally positive here Jessica' I said to myself.
My mother kept yelling at me for I don't even know what. Apparently me sitting in my room bothers her. A lot. I don't even want to know now what the next day is gonna bring up for me. I don't care. I doubt its gonna be any better than this.
' Its gonna be worse ' was what my stupid mind yelled at full volume. Words of encouragement I get from myself are just endearing and sarcasm is just dripping from each word of this statement.
Lets see what you got for me life. I know I won't even be able to live through half of it though.
YOU ARE READING
Goodbye... ( a suicidal's story)
Teen FictionI committed it. Suicide. No one knew I was suicidal. Maybe someone could have saved me. But maybe I deserved all of it. I was tired of living and going through everything alone. Faking a smile and doing whatever 'normal' people do was so tough. Some...
