I sighed as I picked up the clicker that was balancing on my bed side table and turned the TV off after finishing yet another pointless season of another pointless drama. It had been a couple days and even the thought of staying in the hospital for another few days made me want to just go back into a coma. I had Skyped the boys a few times for a little, while they were backstage, but every time their excited faces appeared on my computer screen, Niall was not one of them. I tried to look happy for them. I didn't want them to worry about me, but the truth was that the loneliness had sunk into the very depths of every part of the hospital room and embraced me until I felt that at any moment I was going to suffocate and even though the crutches were propped against the wall beside my bed I had no desire to jab them into my arms.
"She's been doing really well," I heard Susan's voice from the end of the hall growing louder and louder along with two sets of footsteps. "We still have a couple of tests we want to do because we can't quite figure out this strange memory loss."
"That's so good to hear," I heard a familiar husky voice respond as my eyes grew wide with shock and my heart jump to my throat. My fingers started to fiddle with the sheets as I madly looked around the room, trying to decide what I was going to say and how I was going to look while trying to contain the adrenaline that was pumping through my body causing excitement. But as I heard the two footsteps right outside my room, like a self destructing robot, I forgot any plan to speak, threw my blanket over my body, shoved my head into my puffy pillow and squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt at a fake sleeping act.
"She seems to be asleep," Susan's amused voice drifted into my ears, "Which is kind of weird because she barely ever sleeps, even when I've come to check on her at two in the morning." I tried my best to hide a smirk when I heard Niall grunt.
"That's okay. I'll just wait for her to wake up," he said as I heard the door close behind him meaning that it was just us two left in the room. I felt my breaths grow heavy as I heard him pulling a chair right beside my bed and his body hitting the squeaky old chair. My dry lips pursed together when his soft thumb rubbed my jaw line as he hummed some tune that seemed familiar but not enough to put my finger on. I felt his fingers linger at the tip of my chin when I realized that at any moment, he was going to let go. I didn't want him to let go. So in a rush of panic, I reached up and grabbed his hand, dragging it in both of mine to the crook of my color bone, feeling the warmth of his hand in mine resonate through me. He chuckled to himself as he squeezed my hands and whispered, "I knew that you remembered me." A long silence past before I heard him let out a long sigh and I opened my eyes just enough that I could catch a glimpse of Niall's spare hand hiding his tight face. I quickly closed them again when he arose and he pleaded, "Why don't you remember me? What did I do?" I felt my lips begin to quiver as I contemplated giving up the whole plan then and there. Maybe I was hurting Niall more than I was helping him. I didn't want that. "Please just wake up and remember me," his voice wavered as my breath became short and shallow.
I wanted to do what he said. I wanted to wake up and tell him that it was all just a big mistake. But I waited a second too long and the moment passed when I remembered Simon's stern face saying, "It's for the best." It won't work anyway. I convinced myself yet again. But while I was busy convincing myself that my plan was in fact going to work and that I could actually follow through with it, I felt his soft lips pressing against my temple. But the sudden contact shocked me, causing my eyes to fling open and my hands to chuck his back to him as I let out a small shriek. My head whipped sideways to see Niall who had jumped out of his chair in shock to my reaction.
"W-what are you doing?" I stammered, letting my eyes dart around the room in fear.
"Umm... I... I just needed to see you. I'm so sorry," his face white with panic as he rushed out of the room, sliding his hand through his hair. It was then, as I watched his fleeing body escape my room that I might not ever see him reenter. I seemed to over dose on that thought for the rest of the day. After no Skype calls from the boys, in trembling fear I convinced myself that I had pushed him so far away that he would never come back.
