I pushed myself against the heavy hotel door, slamming it shut as I slid down it until I was sitting on the ground with my knees crouched to my chest. I didn't want anything to change. I wanted everything to stay the same. But I had no control over that. I sniffed as I tried to blink away the flooding tears that blurred my vision. All that was playing through my mind was Niall's defeated voice confessing, "But I love her." I pressed my pointer fingers below my eyes so that I could let some of the dammed tears out without smearing my freshly painted makeup down my face when the door knocked from above me. I opened it to see a Niall looking down at the carpet as if he was about to own up to his dad that he had just crashed his brand new car. His hands were jammed into his pockets and his pail face was a canvas for his tugging lips and fidgeting nose. He finally looked up at me as if he had just found out that I was going to die the next day. My eyes followed his as he took one step into my room and collided his lips into mine as if he was never going to get to kiss me again. He didn't break into a smile or creak his eyes open for little peak of me like he usually did. He just knotted his fingers in mine and refused to let go until I finally stepped back and realized that his eyes were glossy with tears. He blinked them away as he tried to form a smile, reaching out to caress my jaw. "I'll quit," I whispered as I nuzzled my cheek into his hand until he pulled his hand away when he heard my words. Surprise filled his eyes as his hands dropped back into mine. "I overheard Simon," I murmured as I led him back to the coach where the scrapbook still lay from when we sat there only moments ago.
"There's no way on this earth that I'm letting you quit," he said determined as I sat down, but he refused. "You've worked too hard to get this far to quit your job," Niall said as he stood in front of me. He dangled my hands in front of me. "Then are you saying..." I mumbled as I looked from him to the carpet. "No!" Niall almost shouted as he plunked down next to me. "I am certainly not saying that at all," he said with hopeful eyes.
"Then what?" I asked, turning to him, resting my hand on my chin.
"I don't know," he confessed.
"We could always..." I paused for a minute to think about the word I was about to say, "Pretend."
Niall turned to me, considering the idea as his eyes darted around the room.
"It wouldn't be that much different," I reasoned. "We'll still have our alone time and we'll still hang out like we usually do with everyone else and Synco and the directioners get their single heart throb back. It's a win win. "You just don't get to hold my hand in public," I said, with a hint of sarcastic optimism.
"But I want to hold your hand in public," he muttered to the floor as he flumped his hands into his lamp. I stared at him and let a mesmerized smile cross my face before I dove my hands into my hair, looking down at the red carpet.
"I don't think we have a choice," I said, looking back at Niall, whose focus stayed on the ground as if he was wracking his brain for a loophole. "So when are they expecting us to do it?" I asked, tugging at the corner of my mouth with my finger.
Niall hesitated before he looked back at me and mumbled, "Tonight." I grunted as I got up from the couch and made my way back to the bathroom, "Happy anniversary right?"
I nervously looked down at my hands that laid on top of my light pink dress that wrapped over of my shoulders, sucking tight against my stomach so that it was almost impossible to breathe. My toes that had been squeezed into silver six inch heels continually tapped up and down as I looked around at the empty limo. I had only rode alone in a limo once or twice and I didn't like it, but it was a part of Operation Break Up. I looked down at my phone that I had grasped in my hands. No texts. No calls.
"Hey babe," I heard his familiar voice that was enough to make me smile again after I called. "This is weird," I said, turning my head to look out the window to see the streets of down town LA wiz by. "Just sit tight, Summer. Everything is going to be fine," his reassuring voice drifted through the phone and into my subconscious. "I just don't know if I can do this alone," I mumbled as I lifted my fingers to the window and wisped them around the glass. "I know that you'll be able to. You're so strong," he said, though I could hear his voice fall. "At least you have the boys," I said, looking around at the empty limo again, trying to envision my five best friends joking around as they sat beside me. "You have them too. All of us are always here for you. But I have to go, Summer," I could hear over top of his voice that someone was trying to talk to him. "I'll see you soon," he said, sounding like he was in a hurry. "Okay," I said, leaning over my body so that my elbows balanced on my bare knees and my chin rested on my hands as I sighed. "Oh and Summer," Niall kept talking right before I was about to pull the phone away from my ear, "You look amazing," I could hear a smirk in his voice as I let a little grin on my face, feeling my cheeks blush red. "You haven't even seen me," I laughed. "I don't need to. You always look amazing," I said before a sudden shock of screaming hit my ear and Niall yelled into the phone overtop of the screams, "See you soon Summer. I love you." With that the phone clicked and I brought it away from my ear to stare down at it. "I love you too," I mumbled to my phone as I sighed and dropped it into my clutch.
I took a deep breath as the limo pulled up to the venue where seas of excited teens were locked behind metal gates. On the other side were numerous paps and reporters ready with their hi-tech recorders, microphones and cameras. The limo door opened, letting the bright Californian sun hit my eyes and almost on cue, when my heal hit the red carpet, the entire venue exploded. Screams came flowing from the mouths of teens lined up to see every celebrity that was going to the awards and reporters almost instantly started calling my name. It was strange to think that I was one of the people that they had come to see. I smiled at the man who had opened the limo door, reaching out for his hand to help me out as I walked over to where reporters were standing, waiting for me as each of them screamed my stage name. "Hope! " "Hope over here!" "Hope! I just have a few questions!" Since I went by my middle name, Hope, while I was doing my undercover journalism job while playing piano for the boys, when Synco signed me, they decided to keep me with the name. Only my hard core fans knew that my real name was Summer. I walked up to one nice looking woman in a pencil skirt and blouse with a man holding a large camera standing beside her. "Hope, Once Direction just came and when asked why you haven't come with Niall, we heard that it was because he said that you two had broken up, is this true?" the woman asked before shoving her microphone in my face. I stared at the woman for a few seconds as the reporters continued to scream my name. My eyes drifted across the venue in hopes that I would find Niall so that I could run to him, grab his hand and not have to let go, but he was nowhere to be seen. I took a shallow breath as the loud screaming and the hot sun seemed to suffocate me. "Yes it's true," I forced the words out of my mouth. "Was the break up mutual?" Was her next question. "Yes," I mumbled as I moved to another reporter. "Hope why did you break up?" One of them screamed at me . I looked up long enough to pull some kind of sympathy from his eyes because he stopped long enough to give me a hopeful smile. "We just want to focus on our careers at the moment," I spoke up with as much confidence that I could muster. "There were pictures of you two from just yesterday when you arrived in LA and the two of you looked pretty cozy," another reporter called to me as I faked a smile. "We're still good friends," I said dryly. "Will this affect the tour?" the last question sprang at me. "No not at all," I said and with that, I turned from the flashing cameras and reporters to continue down the red carpet alone. I took a deep breath as I walked into the stadium, taking in everything that was around me. Stage lights danced around the stadium and the heavy beat of the music that was playing thumped to the beat of my heart that was racing in my chest. Tables were planted along the floor as the empty stage was waiting to be filled by winners of the best this or that. Thousands of fans had entered the stadium to watch the show and as each conversation taking place droned into one consistent buzz, I made my way to my table. "How did it go?" Niall asked as I approached the table and Harry stood up to push my chair in for me. "It went fine," I mumbled before I smiled up at Harry to thank him. His thin lips spread into a sympathetic smile as he nodded. He sat down next to me as he put his hands to his quaffed curls, still keeping his eyes glued to me as if he was trying to suck the obvious discomfort from my eyes. "How about you?" I asked, finally making eye contact with a worried looking Niall who sat on the opposite side of the table as me. "Fine," he mumbled back with his gaze buried in his lap. There were a few brief awkward seconds that I was left to sit in before one of the boys started talking about something else. But all I could think about were the headlines that would be splashed on tomorrow's tabloids. All I could think about were the thousands of tweets and instagram comments that I would be getting over the next twenty four hours, most filled with hate. I stared into space, contemplating the thought until I couldn't think about it anymore and I pushed away from my chair and got up. "I umm.. I have to.. I have to go. Excuse me," I said to the boys and a couple managers who had come to the table as I flipped myself around to walk away. "Wait!" It only took seconds for a strong hand to grab my arm. "What are you doing?" I warned as I turned around, centimeters form my new ex. "You're coming back right?" Niall asked, persistence in his eyes. "Yeah," I said as if he was stupid, "I just have to go to the bathroom," I said looking down at my hand which he was now clasping. "Meet me out the back tonight," he whispered as he reluctantly let go. I looked at his determined blue eyes and let out a small sigh. I wanted to see him and talk to him and walk down dangerous back allies of down town LA (Which he would probably make me do) with him. But I was scared and worried and upset. "I'm really tired," I mumbled. "I'll come to your room tomorrow morning," I whispered in his ear as I took a step away from him. I looked back at him, almost shocked because he let me.
