Devotion // Harry Styles

Chapter 13

"She says she's fine, but she's going insane.
She says she's good, but she's in a lot of pain.
She says it's good, but it's really a lot.
She says she's okay, but really she's not."
~Unknown

"And I've never been so hurt. But just remember who was there for you, when no one else was." ~Unknown

***

I know, I shouldn't have given in. I shouldn't have cuddled him to stop his pain. But us both being in pain was making it much more worse than it needed to be. I sit on the bed next to him, avoiding eye contact. A small part of me was waiting patiently for him to speak, but the biggest part of me was wishing he wouldn't. If he told me everything, then I would feel obligated to forgive him for what he did, and I don't know if I can do that. He lied to me, the biggest lie of all. But what I'm wondering, is why? What is the government trying to cover up? What did Harry do to deserve to believe he really belonged with no one?

"So, are you going to tell me now?" I play with my hands, that were in my lap.

He doesn't respond. Only sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The ache in my chest is beginning to come back, but I push it to the side and stand up. I wait just a little longer, before I welcome my broken heart to crack a little more with his silence. If he isn't going to try, why should I be standing here, waiting for an explanation?

"Don't leave." He grabs my hand as I was about to walk past him. I pull my hand out of his gentle grip harshly.

"Why? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't walk out this door, right this second?" I snap, tears building in my eyes. You have no idea what's its like to stand in front of the person you were born to be with, while feeling so much pain that it hurts them too.

"You're not ready for it, Jennisee." He looks up at me. His green eyes are darker with the pain he feels in his chest. But I shake my head.

"That's not fair. You know every fucking thing about me, Harry. You lied to me about every fucking thing. You even created more lies just to cover up your tracks. And here I am, believing that I knew who you were this whole time, when I didn't know anything."

"But this is me, Jennisee. This is who I am because of you. You fell in love with me for a reason." He starts.

"But I didn't fall in love with you the right way Harry. Our love was based off of lies. Lies that you knew would change once I knew. That not the way you should fall in love with your soul mate. It should be natural. It should be solid. Completely irresistible. And you knew that if I would have known one single thing, it could've been that way. But you decided to lie, Harry, not me." I let the tears escape my eyes.

"I thought that you would leave me if you knew, regardless." He frowns.

"You have one last chance." I shake.

"I can't." He says in defeat.

"Well, then, I can't either." I pull away from him. And turn toward the stairs. Just as I'm about to head up them, he calls my name. I look to him.

"But I love you." This time, there's tears evident in his eyes. But I don't give in. I can't give in. He deceived me.

"Then, I guess we'll both know what its like to have a broken heart." I say coldly before turning back, and walking up the stairs.

I have to get out of this atmosphere. There's way too much tension built up and I can't take the bone crushing pressure of wanting to stay with him and mend our broken pieces back together. But I have to be strong. Unfortunately, the further from Harry's house I get, the harder it gets to be strong.