I don't love you like I did yesterday (Frerard)

Chapter 13: You'll be the death of me.

I woke up on the floor in the front room, stinking of alcohol. Patches of tears and spilled drinks stained the floor with dry puddles. I forgot why I was there, but then it hit me. Gerard had walked out on me.

Why didn't I just tell him where I was went? It wasn't that big a deal. If I had, he would still be here. He'd be sat on the couch, my head in his lap, his fingers entwined in my hair, me falling asleep. Or of course it could have backfired and Gerard could have left me anyway.

Did I make the right decision?

I don't know how long I laid there for, but I knew I couldn't move anyway. I felt paralised. My head hurt like a bitch and I was still crying. I was craving something. Just a little something to take the pain away...

No! No, Frank! I told myself. I thought I was over my addiction? Then, I realized, I got over it when I had Gerard. Now he was gone, I had nothing to live for. Nothing. Why waste life on me when I don't deserve it?

I gradually managed to get to my feet, after a lot of stumbling over. I walked to the bathroom cabinet, where we kept the pills. I found Gerard's anti-depressants. I half chuckled to myself.

The pills stared up at me with alarming eyes. 

"Sorry, I have to eat you now," I replied to their silent question. I guess I was still tipsy.

I picked the pills carefully out of the cupboard and popped them out of the wrapping one by one, taking each one and placing it in my hand. There were about fifteen left. Enough to end it.

I said sorry to each pill and I swallowed them without a drink. No, I was going to suffer. I thought, hopefully they'll cause me to choke and make this happen faster.

After popping about 8 pills, I got fed up and swallowed the other 7 at once. Then I lay on the floor, waiting for the drugs to take effect, constantly whispering to myself; It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault. Not too long after, everything turned black, and I assumed that I was dead. I was pleased with myself. I'd died with a smile on my face. Happy to go.

But then I shot up, gasping for air.

"Woah, where am I-" I choked out, loud enough for a girl sat beside me to hear.

"We're in the back of an ambulance, Frank. Why did you do this? Where's Gerard? Frank? Frank! Speak to me!"

"Gerard's...gone."

I opened my eyes a little wider to reveal a face. A perfect face. I recognised her voice. It was Jamia.

Gerard left because of Jamia. Well, not necessarily. It was Lindsey putting idea's into his head...but I couldn't be seen with Jamia. What if Gerard's see's us and his suspicians are confirmed?

"Jamia!" I cried out, causing the heart monitor to beep and squeak almost twice as fast as it had been before. I jumped at the sudden pace of it and it caused it to be even faster. Damn my fragile condition.

She laughed, placing a hand on my chest and making me lay down. I didn't even realise I'd sat up.

"Why didn't you just leave me to die?" I whispered, voice breaking slightly, but she heard it.

Her mouth dropped. "Did I hear you correctly? You want to die?!"

I mumbled something not even I could understand and nodded my head. Then I winced at the pain. My head still hurt like a bitch.

"Ow, you bastard." I whispered, as I clutched my hair in my hands and shut my eyes tight.

"Just relax Frank, we'll be at the hospital soon. You can explain yourself then," she said soothingly, her hand on my hand.