Holding Back (Rewriting)

Chapter 16: Keeping my Emotions at Bay

Chapter 16: Keeping my Emotions at Bay

*Adriana's P.O.V.*

Five months had passed since Evan asked me out, we were growing as a couple as the days flew by and I seemed the happiest since the accident. Charlotte had been going out with Micheal all the time now and she seemed to smile more and cause less trouble at school. It seemed so unreal, so perfect, I was terrified that our perfect picture would get shattered sooner or later.

It was Tuesday morning and as usual I was up early getting dressed, Charlotte was eating breakfast in the kitchen like every other day. But today wasn't just any day, today marked the day our parents died six years ago. Another year had passed without them, another year we tried to act as a regular family and we avoided the subject. Well I was the one that avoided it.

"Adri, Sam's here, are you ready to go?" Charlotte screamed from downstairs.

"Yeah just a minute" I took a few deep breaths before grabbing my purse and heading downstairs. I walked out of the door with Charlotte and Sam at my heels and we got into the car quietly. I turned on the radio but I wasn't really listening to the music in the background, I was trying to control the emotions threatening to overtake me as we neared the cemetery. My anxiety grew, my stomach twisting and turning as it came into view. Once we arrived we got into our usual parking space, we all got out, the silence hanging heavily over the air. Charlotte held on to the red poppies and roses as Sam held onto the gallon of water we would be using for the flowers. I walked behind them dreading the moment I would look at their grave plaques. I'm a huge cry baby, I've always been but for some reason I can't cry when it comes to the loss of my parents. I feel all kinds of things and just when I'm about to cry I become numb and shut down altogether.

"Hey mom, hey dad I'm about to graduate soon and prom is coming up, I'm thinking of going with this guy I like named Micheal. Adri finally got a serious boyfriend and both Eros and me strongly approve, he's so cool and sweet. Ohh and soo handsome mom you would absolutely drool, he's also Mr. Adams son so I'm sure dad would get along with him perfectly." Charlotte spoke to our parents as if they stood right before her, I never could. I whispered so that only my ears could hear or I would simply think of everything I wish they could be here for. I felt the familiar mix of emotions trying to seep out of the cage they were locked in, I won't let them out, I can't afford to lose control. Once Charlotte was done we put the flowers in the vases attached to the graves and Sam put the water in. We stood in silence before the graves of Lilianne Alexa Lancaster and Jacob Cory Lancaster, the familiar twinge in my chest came as I read over their graves for the millionth time since they'd passed away. Sometimes I came to visit them alone and reminisced, but even then I couldn't unleash some of those locked feelings fearing that all would escape.

"I'll wait for you guys in the car"

As I walked away I whispered, "I love you mom and dad"

~0o0~

"Hey Adri are you in love with Evan?" Charlotte asked as she and Sam did their nails.

"Well I'm not sure yet, I know for sure that I like him a whole lot and I'm obviously attracted to him but I wouldn't say love just yet"

"How do you know it's not love yet?"

"I don't. That's why I said I'm not sure yet"

"Oh by the way on valentine's day I won't be home, I'm going out to eat with Micheal, Sam, and her possible future boo which by the way is Micheal's younger brother"

"Oh Sammie is getting interested in a boy now?" I teased her. Sam always said she didn't need a boyfriend and that she wasn't interested in any at school because they were all immature idiots.