phan one-shots

I have to go (2)

Word count: 3826

Trigger warning: self harm, depression/depressing thoughts, mentions of rape, verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of alcoholism, anorexia, suicidal thoughts, bipolar disorder.

Phil's p.o.v.

Finally I can see my family and tell them what's really happened. I know it's late but I didn't want to tell them until I was face to face. This is too important. I know it's the holiday but this is the only time I can see them before treatment starts.

"Phil sweetie! It's been too long!" My sister yelled as she grabbed me.

"It really has, Sarah, I'm sorry about that. I've just been so busy," I tried to explain. In reality I've just been terrified to talk to them about it. "Actually I need to talk to you and mom and dad if that's okay."

"Phil? Whats wrong?" She looked at me with worry.

"I'll explain when I have mom and dad here. I'll meet you guys in the living room in half an hour after I take my things up and unpack a bit." I carried my suitcase upstairs as she went to go find our parents.

-30 minutes later-

"Hey mom, dad, Sarah. I've been really reluctant to tell you guys this but I've been recently diagnosed with manic depressive disorder, or bipolar disorder. There really are no treatments but I'm starting treatment soon. I hope to get better before I cause anyone any trouble, but I feel so bad because I've held this if for so long. Not even Dan knows. I know he thinks I've been a bit crazy but I hope he understands that I'm going through something really rough right now. It's coming in waves where I'll get suddenly angry or mad and I take it out on Dan, but the worst part is that I don't even remember what I've done after it happens. I've fallen into a bad drinking habit as well and I don't remember my nights at all. I've never asked Dan because I'm afraid of what he might tell me I've done and I've been completely ignoring him for the longest time, unless I get mad. I just don't know what to do; I've been a shit boyfriend and brother and son and person and I hate myself so much and I just want this to go away." I explained everything very slowly and by the end I was crying. I usually never cry but it was all to much remembering what I've done - or not being able to remember.

Just as I finished explaining and my family sat there in shock, my phone started going off in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked down at it, seeing pj's name across the top. He wouldn't call me unless it's an emergency because he knows I'm visiting family. I quickly answer it and step out into the hallway asking quietly, "hello?"

"Phil! Phil! It's Dan, you have to come home right aw-!" He didn't even finish before I was interrupting him.

"Dan?! What wrong p.j.?! What's wrong with Dan?!" I asked worried.

"Phil.. he's tried to kill himself. Dan tried to kill himself," he said much calmer and slow as to try and not break down himself.

My world stopped. Everything slowed down as I looked at my family down the hallway. They were all looking at me already and as soon as I made eye contact with my sister, she was up and running toward me. Luckily she caught my phone before it hit the ground and tried to keep me from falling as my knees buckled and my body suddenly felt much too heavy to hold. Tears rolled silently down my cheeks and I choked on my sobs. My sister let me down gently and placed the phone to her ear, asking what happened. As soon as she heard, she was looking down at me in disbelief.

"Well have him back late tonight. Text us the information about the hospital. Keep us updated," then she hung up the phone. She tried pulling me up as she whispered soothing things in my ear such as, "it's gonna be okay," "he's gonna make it" "he's so strong Phil. Be strong for him. He needs you."