what do we do now? [muke af]

thirteen

thirteen

unedited 

It's been two months since Michael's release from New York State Prison. It was now October, the cold air spreading through their skin as the leaves fell to the ground.

Luke and their family lawyer had to fill out over three hundred pages of work just to get Michael a permit to leave the state of New York. It took four weeks of no sleep just to get those papers filled out and sent in.

In the end, he was approved and allowed to leave for four days. Only four days.

Luke was ready to go home. When they boarded that plane to California at five in the morning, he was wide awake. He was the only one wide awake. Michael fell asleep the second he sat in the middle seat, his head against Luke's shoulder. Tab did the same, her head against the closed window visor.

After a connecting flight, they finally arrived in northern California. The sun was brighter, the air was denser, and two smiling blondes greeted them in baggage claim.

Luke cried a lot. He held his mother, his sobbing body the same as hers. He hid his face in her neck, his arms tight around her shoulders. She held her youngest son just as tight, her arms around his waist as she rocked him back and forth like the good old days.

Michael gave Luke's father a hand shake and quick smile before introducing him to Tab. Tab greeted her grandfather—a man she didn't knew existed until last month.

She stayed close to Michael, her hand in his.

Everything settled down the next day. After a jet-lagged sleep in Luke's childhood room, everything was at peace again.

Michael woke up with Luke cradled to his chest and suddenly it felt like high school again. It was the same sheets, the same bed, the same pictures on the wall, the same boy in his arms.

It was a wave of nostalgia and Michael never wanted to let go.

They didn't eat breakfast in silence.

Luke's mother was making every possible breakfast meal she knew how to make and stacking it upon their plates. It was all the meals she didn't get to make for her youngest son and son-in-law suddenly piling up in front of them.

Tab sat on Michael's lap, her sleepy body laying against his chest as she took slow bites of the meal in front of her.

Ms. Hemmings asked questions about their life, only about the good. Tab was the only good about their life.

In the evening, she found home made videos of Luke growing up. Of his bare bottom embarrassing his older brother's at their birthday party.

Tab got a high five after making fun of Luke's hair twice.

It was weird for Michael to see little seventeen-year-old him in the background. Little teenage Michael didn't know the life he had in front of him. Teenage Michael didn't know the capability of his brain until he was past the government's wall and using it against them. Teenage Michael didn't know how much pain he would soon cause the blonde he apparently loved so much.

Teenage Michael knew he was going to marry Luke, though. He knew he was going to get that golden ring on his pale fingers the second they got away from that hometown.

Michael picked up sleepy Tab two hours before midnight. He wrapped her in his arms and lifted her up. He slowly said his goodnight's, leaning down to kiss Luke's forehead before heading upstairs.

He, too, was very tired.

Luke was left alone with his mother, they stared at each other for a minute for she opened her mouth.

"It's not good, is it?"

"It's fine," he responded.

She stood up, walking across the living room and sitting next to her son. "Tell me the truth."

"It's really hard, Mom." Luke looked down at his hands, playing with the strings of his sweatpants. "I'm filled with regret."

"Why? He loves you, I know he loves you."

He ran a hand through his hair, not sure what to say. "I don't know. He's a felony, he will always be. There are so many restrictions now and I don't know how to live with it. I don't know what to do next."

"I have confidence in you."

"It's just scary that he was pretty much doing all of that under my nose. I knew small parts of it, but I didn't know how bad it really was. What if he's still lying to me?"

"Do you think he is?"

"I don't know!" He whisper-yelled. "I'd like to believe he's not, but I really don't know anymore. I feel like I'm always being lied to."

She put her arms around Luke, resting her head on his shoulder. "Do you have any friends to talk to about this?"

He leaned into her touch. He seemed to have forgotten how much of a friend his mother was to him. "Not really. There's this guy named Ashton but I feel like he knows too much. What if he's in on it, too?"

"Come on, Luke. Have a little more faith in these people. Don't be scared anymore." Ms. Hemmings can easily remember when Luke was too afraid to talk—even to them. She will give credit to Michael for opening him up and teaching him that the world isn't that bad.

"I'm constantly living in fear," he admitted, "And I don't want to be."