The Time-Traveling Umbrella

Chapter 41

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

Even though he did not agree with Natalie's seemingly pointless search for Meyer, he did allow for her to use his books for research and Natalie's escort lessons continued. The combined workload of her job, escort lessons, and searching for Meyer in history book text was not expected to be easy for Natalie.

It was only three months later when Natalie felt she was pushing dangerously close to her breaking point. In the few restless hours she allowed herself to sleep, Natalie found herself questioning why. Why was she so set on following the tiny possibility that Meyer could be found? She had no idea when to start or what she was meant to be looking for when she began her search, and months later, she still hadn't found anything. Hours of sitting in an uncomfortable chair bent over a worn-out book lit by a light bulb in desperate need of being replaced felt more and more pointless as the days turned to weeks.

The occasion moments when Natalie allowed herself a moment to think about her own happiness came when Madeline showed up in the media room of the Nightingale with stories of bizarre customers and DVD's of recent hit movies. Well, the 3415 version of a DVD that is. Natalie didn't know what else to call them. The two would enjoy themselves all through the night, but when Madeline left and the Nightingale was empty as it always seemed to be, the questions, the whys, and the sneaking doubt started to creep back in like cold air after Madeline had left the door open again.

Escort lessons changed gears within those months. Gull had decided that Natalie needed to learn to pilot the Nightingale if she ever wanted to have a place to stay during time-travel expeditions or to be a part of the space-travel portion of being an escort at all. At first, it was just Natalie studying the ship's instruction manual, which seemed like an easy task as she had studied the driver's education book in order to pass her permit test, but learning to pilot a spaceship sounded much easier than it actually was. The next step was putting what she had learned into practical use.

The gears and controls on the Nightingale came so easily to Meyer, Natalie had noticed, so she assumed it would come to her just as easily. She could not have been more wrong.

Gull took her up into deep space and let her play around with the controls so she could learn to use them in a more practical setting. This resulted in dozens of broken items inside the Nightingale from too sharp of turns, four near crashes, and one freefall that was only prevented by Gull taking the wheel. It reminded Natalie of her first few driving lessons from one of her teachers as her mother refused to teach her.

Once Gull had left the Nightingale after another disastrous piloting lesson, Natalie's frustration at her inability to fly a spaceship finally broke through and she swore off piloting like a teenage girl swearing off dating after she breaks up with her douchebag boyfriend for cheating on her.

She slammed her fists down on dashboard with a shout, breaking the perfect silence. As she leaned over the dashboard, head between her arms, Natalie noticed a piece of paper tucked under the dashboard. Upon further inspection, she recognized the writing as being none other than Meyer Hudson's.

Nat,

When I first met you, I never thought wed end up here. Wherever 'here' is, I don't really know, but Im glad were both there. you was just some kid who somehow ended up on my ship. Ill admit, I thought you was some burgalor breaking in at first, so, sorry about that.

Now that I know you, Im glad I didnt just, you know, kick you off. You changed me, Nat. You made me better. Or worse. Im not fully sure what you did. I dont even know how long its been since we met, but I feel like I dont ever wanna let you go.

You make me wanna find some house out in one of them suburb planets or whatever theyre called. I wanna see you dressed all in white someday. I wanna hear little footsteps around the house and be up at two in the morning feeding some bottomless pit of a child. I wanna argue, but admit I was wrong because we both know youd be right.

I want all these things, Nat. well, maybe not at this moment in time, but I could see us doing these kinda things somewhere along the line. If thats okay with you, I mean, I wouldn't wanna push you into something your not ready for. But if you want to that is...

The thing is, I dont see us as having a real future together. When I told you about my past, I left out what really happened after I left home. at some point in the next few days, Im going to tell you what happened after I left home. By the time you read this, Ill probably be dead. And let me just say this: Im sorry. but the thing is, you told me that sometimes I need to put my own needs ahead of others because I cant make everyone happy.

I know how incredibly selfish that sounds, but I'm tired Nat. Im tired of fighting other peoples battles and always having to be the tough guy, so for one last time, one last hurahh, I did something for me. I knew I could either die having let you know how I felt, or I could have protected you from my own stupid emotions and let you get out of this whatever you call it relationship unharmed.

But weve been through so much and there are so many words I havent told you, and I couldnt do it. I couldnt keep pretending you had no affect on me.

In case you think last night was just some, 'last one-night-stand celebration', dont. your so much more than a one-night-stand. Your the girl that made me want to settle down. me, Meyer Hudson, Mr. Leader Explorer as you called me. You managed to do that. I dont know whether to blame you or thank you.

Im not your childhood sweetheart youve known and grown up with since you were 5 when your parents moved in next door to mine. Im just some summer fling. no hassles, no commitments, no long lasting feelings because we both knew this couldnt last.

If we could have made this work, I would have gone to the ends of space and back for you, Nat. But we cant. Theres things Ive done that I cant undo, things that ruined our chances of a life together and for that, I can never apologize enough. All Im asking is that you do whats best for both of us and forget about me.

I just realized I could list all the people thatll miss me when Im gone on one hand and have enough left to hold a pencil

I dont really remember why Im writing this. I guess Im just waiting for the warden to call my name for death row. I cant say how incredibly sorry I am for all the problems I'm about to cause. But I do know this: Im glad we made it this far, miss Natalie. And if this is where I take my final stop, well, Im glad youll be there to drop me off.

At the bottom, in the lightest and most timid scrawl Natalie had ever seen, Meyer had written the words:

I LOVE YOU

He had tried to scribble and erase those last words out.