My First Journal

An overview: part one.

I recently turned seventeen a few weeks ago and I've never felt for surreal in my life. Also life only became interesting a few weeks ago. It's been a few weeks also into school and I feel as though I'm a spectator looking at some deranged high school nightmare.

I used to be the quiet girl. I go to an arts school so I was never weird when I had colored hair or anything mostly ignored. I had few friends, studied and got great grades and stayed out of trouble. But I always craved the exciting lives I saw everyone had around me. I grew up watching Skins, Degrassi and all though bullshit dramas and wondered "Is life every like this?"

In short, yes. Over the summer I got tired of being ugly. I was ugly. Frizzy hair, plain face, nothing interesting about me. I dreamed of being the beautiful messes I shamefully admired on Tumblr and around me. So I but off my green ugly locks, treated my hair, spent over a hundred dollars in Sephora and went shopping and when came to school entirely different. Although this all sounds superficial people noticed and I became known as one of the hotter girls in my grade. Boys and men noticed me everywhere on my way and to school. People said they had never seen me before. "How can you be a senior? I've never noticed you?" This was a wonderful ego boost.

Drama had started over the summer between two girls (I'll change my name for the sake of their identities) Hannah and Sophie. These were the two most popular girls in the freaks scene at my school. The freaks are the stoners who are their own clique. They were best friends and with their possibly asexual companion, Lance they ruled the grade. Through snickering, gossiping and dubbing their influence was powerful and they ultimately chose who could be on their side and who couldn't. Anything said about them would come back to them and they would destroy you. I, cowered infer form them for year until I slowly warmed up to Lance due to mutal friends.

Lance was stunning no doubt. He looked like a sex god with dark brown hair, a deadly jawline and perfect body but he was surpassingly antisocial. Although everyone accepted his authority he kept mostly to his two best friends. He rumored to suck his own dick. Although he could get anyone and he knew it thought school he never showed interest in any girls. He claimed he was straight but my bestie friend, Tamar and I came to conclusion he was sexually in love with himself.

Hannah secretly claimed she gave Sophie's boyfriend a blowjob so over the summer Sophie figured it out and stole the guy Hannah was in love with, Alex. Alex is a greasy and not particularly attractive junior who Hannah had been fucking for over a year. In truth, Alex used Hannah for sex only and refused to be seen in public with her. This started the Sophie/ Hannah conflict and they began petty fights over the internet which I sat back and watched to my amusement.

Sophie's birthday fell around the beginning of the year so Hannah decided to throw a party that day in spite inviting all her ex boyfriends and friends. I was surprised to be on the guest list and attended.

I didn't go to many parties and had a handful which were never such positive experiences. I always felt like an outcast. I arrived and it was the classic teen party set up. No parents, cheap vodka, some miscellaneous beers and everyone sitting down and awkwardly talking. I sat on the couch with Tamar and watched the cool kids I'd seen from afar up close and personal.

That's when I first saw him, Julian. Julian was racially ambiguous, with a beard, muscles and very tall. A friend of mine described him as an early human. A neanderthal. He had a flop of thick brown hair and what was most interesting it he had a pair of piercing blue eyes. They were beautiful. My friend told me in sign language (we speak some ASL) she thought he was hot and I agreed. He was stunning. He started to try to talk to me which shocked me. I had no idea who he was.

We made some conversation and his voice was deep in ridiculously sexy. It turned how he can sing. God. "Why don't we loosen the females up?" he grinned at me, oblivious of his flirting he handed me a shot glass and filled in with cognac.

"Is this for me?" I croaked.

"Yeah, come on. Drink with me."

It was straight out an ad for Above the Influence. Infamous teen peer pressure.

I shook my head "I'll throw up if I drink this."

Instead he shoved a different drink my hand, iced tea and vodka. "You can't taste a thing." he insisted. So along with the weed cookie I had eaten earlier I got very drunk quickly. I began to blabber and talk to Julian and Juliana and some other went out to go buy some cigarettes which is when Melanie came in.

Melanie is the party girl. She looks like seventies groupie and drinks booze like water. I've never seen her not drunk. She's the prettiest girl in school arguably. She started hooking up with Sophie's ex, Cameron, going outside to suck his dick and eventually later it turns out they fucked and possibly had a threesome after I left.

I felt so young and teenage and I actually felt my life starting. The most exciting thing of my summer was making out with my crus of a year who now refused to call or talk to me after he got back with his ex but this was life. This is what I had wanted.

Hannah's little sister, Mia came in with her friend Kat. Kat was you typical try hard. She was younger then the rest of us and desperately wanted to fit in. She was the typical sad girl Tumblr girl who immediately tried to talk to us about all the pills she popped and her depression. Julian came back and began to chat her up but that's when Lance came in.

Lance had not been invited. He gave me an award hug and shut himself out in Hannah's bedroom which Tamar and I agreed it was time to go. I hated that kid, especially for crashing the party. We left to go smoke a joint and eat pizza. But later on we got all the news from Lance about what happened after we left.

Julian ended up hooking up with that annoying girl, Kat. Melanie and Cameron fucked and Julian might have joined in. Lance took pictures and sent them to Sophie.

Tamar and I walked down the Manhattan streets together int he middle of the night. "I feel so young." I knew exactly what she meant.

This was not my last encounter with the freaks.