What I Hate About You (#1 What I Hate About You)

Chapter 24

I wish the ground will just open up and swallow me whole. It will be so much better than walking to English where I have to see both Lindsay and Nathan. I still haven’t spoken to any of them.

In class I distance myself from them. I sat on the other side of the room away from them. Lindsay sits on the other, while Nathan sat in his usual spot. I’m sure Mrs Callea would have like the idea of my sister and I not sitting anywhere near each other, that way we couldn’t interrupt her class.

Our teacher walked around the classroom before she started the lesson, handing out our assessments that she had marked on the weekend.

“I read your essays and a lot of you did very well,” she says. “There are some that needs to improve in some areas, but other than that I’m proud of the work you guys have done.”

Mrs Callea hands me mine. She smiles at me, and then walks away. I look down at the essay. I wrote four pages, describing the reason why I felt so much hatred. I never mention anything about Dad. My teacher didn’t know anything about him. I just wrote how I felt about people and why they made me feel so angry. She has given me a good score on the essay. I have a score of eighty percent.

I start feeling nausea, a few tears find their way down my cheek as I read over what I wrote, thinking of how much of a fool I really am. I should have never liked Nathan.  Liking him made me feel weak. I should have never stopped hating him. I wouldn’t be having all of this pain right now.

“Alex, is something wrong?” Mrs Callea asks.

Crap. She sees the tears. I quickly wipe my eyes.

“She probably got a very low score, that’s why she is crying?” Simon laughs.

 “Simon, that will be enough please,” Mrs Callea says. “You shouldn’t speak because you got a very low score yourself.”

Simon doesn’t seem to care what our teacher was saying. “Hey, Alex, what did you write your essay on? Is it about how you hate the world?”

“That’s enough, Simon. Don’t let me warn you again.”

That’s it. I can’t take this anymore. I need to get out of here before I do something I’m going to regret, liking punching Simon, which is what I really want to do, but I risk of getting expel or suspended. I gather up my things. I ignore my teacher when she asks me what I’m doing.

I make my way to the door. Mrs Callea tries to grab me, but I push her away from me, walking out of the classroom, heading down the corridor. I don’t know where I’m going. All I want is to get out of here. I feel like a fool. Everybody knows about Nathan and me. I should leave and go home. I don’t care if I get into trouble for leaving the school grounds.

I walk into the nearest girls’ room before a passing teacher stops me to ask what is wrong, or what I’m doing out of class without a hall pass. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, nor did I feel like explaining anything. Thankfully the toilets are empty. I dump my bag on the floor beside the sink. I glance in the mirror. I look terrible. My eyes are all puffy and red. I turn on the tap and wash my face.

“Alex, are you in there?” I hear Miss Giovanni’s voice coming from outside.

Damn it. How did she know I was in here? Can’t I be left alone for a second?

I don’t answer her. When I didn’t, she pushes open the door and walks in. I don’t turn to face her. I don’t want her to see me like this.

“Go away, please,” I tell her. “I really do not feel like talking.”

“Are you sure, Alex? I’m right here if you need to talk.”

“How did you know I was in here?” I ask as I turn to face her.

“I was walking down the corridor when I saw you running into here. I was just about to come to your class. I’m hoping we can sit in my office and talk. Your mother called me this morning, saying that she was worried about you. She asked me to talk to you today. Is everything alright?”

No! Nothing is alright! Will everyone just please leave me alone! I don’t want to talk about what happened to anyone. No one will understand what I’m going through.

I see the image of Lindsay and Nathan kissing again. It haunts me and I can’t stand to see it anymore. I turn to the wall and kick it a few times, trying to let go of my anger. I expected Miss Giovanni to come over to stop me before I damage something, but she just lets me do whatever I had to do to get rid of my anger. I burst into tears again, which I did manage to stop before Miss Giovanni walked in. I couldn’t hide my emotions any longer. I have to let it go.

She finally did something when she thought I had punched my anger out enough. She walks over to me, and makes me face her, resting her hands on my arms.

“Alex, calm down and tell me what’s wrong?” Miss Giovanni tells me, her voice so gently and calm.

I have a hard time trying to choke out the words that I want to say through my tears, but I manage to spit out, “I hate Lindsay, I hate Nathan and I hate everybody else!”

Miss Giovanni pulls me into a hug. I cry into her chest. “Come back with me to my office and we can talk there. You can tell me why you hate them there.”

I follow Miss Giovanni out of the restroom. There are a few students out in the corridor, who seem to be on a free period. I think they may have heard my outburst. I don’t make any eye contact with them or anyone as we walk towards the administration office. I know they are watching me, talking about me behind my back. Once inside her office, Miss Giovanni hands me a box of tissues. I thank her and sit down in front of her desk, wiping my eyes.

We sit there in silence. I expected her to say something, encouraging me to spill out everything I’m hiding, but she doesn’t. She sits there patiently, waiting for me to talk when I feel I am ready.

“Nathan cheated on me with Lindsay,” I finally say. “She managed to get him. She wanted him so much.” I tell her everything, remembering clearly what happened. Thinking about it makes my heart crumble more.

Miss Giovanni assures me that everything is going to be fine, but I’m not sure how could she even think that everything will be fine after what Lindsay did to me. Everything isn’t going to be fine. Nothing feels the same after what I witnessed. Nathan is the one person who I had trusted, and now I’m afraid I was never going to be able to trust him again.