What I Hate About You (#1 What I Hate About You)

Chapter 25

I spend most of the morning with Miss Giovanni. I didn’t want to go back to class, but I knew I have to. I felt a little better talking to her, but it didn’t help with the heart ache. I rush out of school once it ended. I didn’t wait for Lindsay. I didn’t care how she got home. I just didn’t want her in the car with me.

I went up to my room and changed out of my uniform. I decide to go to the park. Lindsay will be home soon and I don’t want to see her. Nathan will probably end up calling me, maybe even show up to try and get me to talk to him. If he does, I don’t want to be here. Grabbing my sketchbook, I go.

Just as I came out of the house, a car pulls up in front of the house. Well, more like a bomb has parked there. I roll my eyes. She just has to ask Simon to drive her home. I’m surprise she didn’t ask Nathan. I walk down the path and then stop and stare at them on the side walk. They were making out in the car. Lindsay pushes him of her. As if she knew I was standing there, she turns to me, our eyes locking. I see the guilt in her eyes. She knows what she is doing wrong. I shake my head and walk down the path.

Two children are playing in the playground when I get there, their mother sitting there watching them on the bench. I sit down at wooden table. I watch the two girls for a second. They look to be about seven or eight. They look like sisters. Seeing them play happily on the playground reminded me of how close Lindsay and I were at their age. I know that I turned against everyone after Dad went, but sometimes I wonder why Lindsay and I grew apart. Maybe it was because I pushed her away, not wanting to tell her how I felt. She would have felt the same way about Dad leaving.

I turn away from the sisters, and open up my book, drawing in it. It relaxes me keeps my mind off everything. I stay in there until the sun begins to set. I can no longer see what I’m drawing, so I closed my book and just sit there. I don’t care how dark it gets. I don’t want to go home.

I hear footsteps walking along the grass. I don’t look up to see who it is. They stand beside me and I know its Lindsay. She stands there in silence before she decides to speak.

“Mum wanted me to come and get you,” she says. “Dinner is ready.”

“Tell her I’m not hungry,” I reply without looking at her.

“You still like him, don’t you?”

My head shot up at her. “What? No! Why would I like that moron after you put your dirty hands all over him?”

“Nathan is not a moron.”

“Of course he is. All guys are.” Some are. Nathan wasn’t, but now I don’t know.

I stare back down at my book. I can see her staring at me from the corner of my eyes. Seriously, but doesn’t she have anything else to do beside me? Like head back home to Mum where she claim that dinner was ready?

“Nathan may be a moron,” Lindsay says, “but I still think you like him. You’re just upset at the moment to even realise that you still like him.”

I look up at her. How would she know how I even feel about him? She doesn’t know how I feel. “For crying out loud, why do you just assume I like him? I hate him okay? I hate him!”

I stand up, pushing my sister out of the way, and walk towards the street to head home. What does Lindsay know about how I feel?

“Why do you keep on running away every time someone wants to know something?” Lindsay hurries after me.

“It’s because it is no one’s business who I like and who I don’t like.”

“Can you please stop walking so I can talk to you, Alex?”

I let out a frustration sigh. Why should I stop and talk to her? I don’t want to listen to whatever she has to say, not if she is going to keep on questioning me whether or not if I like Nathan. I don’t want to like him or any guy. I’m not going to fall in love with anyone. And I’m never going to forgive her for what she did. I can’t help wonder what Lindsay was even thinking when was making out with Simon in the car earlier. Didn’t she feel bad after she two-timed him for Nathan?

I stop and turn to her, hoping she will stop firing the same question at me over and over again. If she does, I’m out of here.

“Look, I just want to let you know that I broke up with Simon this afternoon,” she continues. “I felt horrible for what I did to you and Nathan that I couldn’t stand to face Simon after what I did.”

Wow. Lindsay actually had a conscience. Since when does she care how I feel?”

Continuing, “I knew what I did was wrong, and I was glad when you walked in to stop me from doing anything else.”

I want to say something, but I don’t. I’m not sure if Lindsay really meant what she said, but I’m sure she did. I stand there, staring at her and listened to what she had to say.

“Look, I know you truly hate me right now, and I don’t blame you,” Lindsay carries on. “I just want you to listen to me. I miss you as my sister. I miss when we will talk about girl stuff. But the day Dad walked out, you turned your back on me. I know I have tormented you about everything. Trying to get you to like what I like, but I have always thought you were a freak, not knowing the real reason why you hated everything. I’m really sorry for what I did to you. And just so you know, I’m always going to be there if you ever want to talk about anything.”

I slip my hands into the pocket of my jeans. “I kind of miss that too.”

Lindsay smiles at me. “Then let’s talk now. I’m sorry for what I did, but it wasn’t Nathan’s fault. I was jealous that he liked you and not me. I don’t know why I wanted him when I already had Simon. Now I have no one. Dressing like you was the only way he would look at me. I knew it was wrong, and I regret doing it. I’m just glad you stopped me when you did.

“I am sorry, Emilynn and I, we,” she stammers. “We told everyone in our grade you two were dating. They were all shock at first, but they thought you two made a perfect couple. Looking at you, I can tell you still like him, even if you’re trying to hide your feelings. You can deny everything about what you may think about Nathan, but as your sister I know you still like him.”

I blush. How can she tell that I still have feelings for him? I don’t like him.

I think about the kisses we shared, the concert we attended and the fun we had at Wet ‘n’ Wild. I may miss that, but I still hated him as much as I hated everyone else. Since talking with Nathan, telling him my secret and the problems I had, he had changed my thinking, making sure that I would go back to hating anyone. Out of every guy I have come across to, Nathan was the only one who has helped me. He said things like telling me how beautiful I look and meant it. I got butterflies whenever I was around him. I never felt the way I did with anyone, even if they were to say nice things to me. There was just something about Nathan that made me fall for him. I can’t explain it. It just happened.

Maybe Lindsay is right. Maybe I do like him still, but I’m denying it.

 “How do you know that?” I ask.

“I’m your twin. I’m supposed to know that. Look Alex, you have been hiding your feelings since Dad left. Mum and I have been trying to get through to you for years, but you never wanted us in your life. You don’t want anyone in your life. And then Nathan comes along and you tell him everything that you never wanted Mum or me to know. There is nothing wrong with telling anyone how you feel.”

I knew my sister was right, but I can’t help wonder if I will feel the same way about Nathan like I did before. I think about the things I told him about my dad. Not only did I tell him, but I should have also told Lindsay and Mum about how I feel. They need to know it more than anyone else should. I can’t keep hiding my feelings from them forever.

“I don’t know if I still like Nathan or not,” I say, “but I can tell you why I turned against everything and everyone.”

And I tell her.