September 30, 2015 (Happy birthday, Maddie!)
alas, all good things must come to an end.
I'm sorry for disappointing you all, I really am. But, Wattpad is supposed to be a place for me to write my fantasies and express how I think about love and hate, and talk to my friends, but it turned into a completely negative place to be for me.
I wasn't planning to leave. This wasn't in my agenda, I never thought I'd want to leave.
My mom caught me having a mental breakdown in my room yesterday. When I finally explained to her what's been going on, she told me something that's been stuck in my mind since. She said to me, "Victoria, I know you love writing, and I know it means everything for you. But, sometimes, it's better to let the thing you love go instead of suffer. You're just a twelve year old girl, you shouldn't be in this position already." (She told me this in Spanish, so this isn't the exact translation)
I couldn't focus at all in school today, I had trouble sleeping last night, and I can't even log in without having my self-esteem utterly crushed every time. I'm never so unsure about myself, I always know I'm the best I can be and to ignore everyone who tells me otherwise.
Ever since I read that "author review" about me, my self-confidence has been drained. Completely. It's been destroyed. It's gone.
Before, when these hate accounts starting appearing, it did hurt me, and I lost some of my self-esteem to it. Now, having someone bash every single part of my account, and even my love for Taylor Swift which is ridiculous, I don't think I can handle even more hate.
I'm proud of those who still managed to pull through. Especially Rose, since she was hated probably the most out of all of us. Keep your head up, do your thing, and do not let these haters ruin you, like how I did. I let them hurt me, and look where I am now? I'm even proud of Justin Bieber, oh my God, I can't even imagine the amount of hate he gets every day.
I can barely handle four hate books and an author review account, props to him.
I had a bad day today, and those piles of shit who I have to sit with at tech ed class didn't make it any better, neither did Wattpad.
I have no clue when my last day is, but I just wanted to give you a head's up about it if one day I say goodbye.
This isn't a healthy place for me to be anymore, and as much as I want to stay, it's not fair to me that I'm going to have to deal with people saying my writing sucks so badly in order to write fanfictions for the girls who love to dance with all their heart.
This is Dance Moms, not the One Direction fandom which takes up half of Wattpad. It's a small fandom, why are we so aggressive towards each other? I don't know.
Maybe I'm just in a really bad mood and tomorrow I'll wake up and decide not to leave.
My health is more important than writing. If this place is the reason why my self-esteem and self-confidence is crushed and stabbed multiple times to where even the lightest bit of criticism slams a spot in my heart, then it's gone too far.
First, someone writes a list of the ten worst Dance Moms authors.
Second, I'm on a hit-list.
Next, the same person adds a new part to their hate book and explains why they hate the people they do. They say all I care about is myself and I only talk to my friends, and I hate anyone who has below 200 followers, and I won't talk to those people, either.
Then, someone else decides it's a great idea to make their own hate book, and they say Girls Chase Boys sucks, Taylor Swift does too, I'm so rude to everyone, and I'm a mean girl.
Fourthly, someone makes a whole account dedicated to people they hate.
And lastly, someone makes an "author review" dedicated to me, and of course, they completely shit on me and my account as a whole. I suck at grammar, I'm not a Swiftie because I named one of my books "Starbucks Lover" (which utterly misses the point of the entire story), Social Casualty is a terrible book, 1000wtsg is a waste of time, my covers are so unoriginal, publishing Reflection was a stupid thing to do, Breathe is boring as hell, it's big-headed of me to have a reading list with my stories, and you should avoid me if you're willing to read a book that's short, cliché, and has a lot of mistakes.
Yeah, they probably have more reasons why I'm a bad writer.
Before anything else happens, I want to say thank you. I've had such a great time writing and meeting friends, it's sad to it's come to end like this. For the year and a month I've been here it was incredible, I can't even describe it.
No, I'm not leaving right now, only time will tell.
