The Perks Of Our Minds

Another...

I just sat there, wandering what I had done to deserve all this. I was on the edge of my bed with slit up wrists with blood oozing out of them and red puffy tear stained eyes. The blood, I had gotten used to. It's sad to say but I enjoyed the pain I put myself through every day. I enjoyed the flinch, I couldn't wait till I got home every day to make those little cuts that made me feel something. I was living, from dying.

I clutched onto the locket that my mother had left me 3 years ago tomorrow and the letter that my sister had left me 4 years ago tomorrow. I glanced over to the peice of paper that had my blood test results as a single tear rolled down my cheek. Everybody wants to leave you I think to myself your sister, your mother and now they want you to leave just do it yourself and get it over and done with. You see my sister committed suicide because of bullying and my mother left us because she couldn't handle it. All they left me were items that they thought could explain why they were gone. But nothing could ever do that. Explain why my sister left and couldn't handle her demons or explain why my mother, my own mother couldn't handle me. I felt that it was all my fault, that if I didn't exist then my sister would still be here and so would my mother and my dad wouldn't have a drinking problem and that they would all be one happy family without me. And that of course was the truth. The truth that they never really needed me no I was simply another mouth to feed, another person to listen to, another background noise. Another Wallflower...

"You see things
You keep quiet about them
You understand
You're a Wallflower!"
~ Patrick