FRIENDS WERE MY LIFE
Dear diary,
It's 4:00 in the morning and my thoughts won't let me sleep. Everything haunts me like a deadly nightmare. I don't think its ever going to end. Why did my life had to take this deadly turn. I was okay walking on the thorned path bare footed where people kept throwing stones at me. Why is it like that, Those people who said they will always be there for me left me stranded when I needed them the most.
The memories they haunt me. They make me smile too. The memories of my friends. The friends who were my life. The friends I thought would never leave my side. It hurts to remember they left. Left without any explanation. So silently. Some of them left making me feel really miserable about my self but I don't blame them. It was me. Yes maybe it was me who pushed them all away. I was not good enough for them. Sometimes I think that maybe they don't deserve me. But then I'm all like "HEY! They were all great friends, you pushed them out of your life. You don't deserve them." Well its a complicated thing. My mind just won't agree to a single things.
It's just that I'm alone. I know I made some mistakes in my past and I really wish to correct them. Because it'll be haunting me again and again. All the time. It's a burden I want to clear off my chest to know from My friends why they actually left. I want to apologize. Even if its not my mistake.
It feels like yesterday when I was in grade six I had this hige squad of girls which included Lilly, sally, lisa, mia, kim, trina, pamela, chloe, zeniya, bridget, and me. I remember how we used to gather around in recess and form this hige circle in the corner of the school ground and pass each other's lunch and shared it till the last nugget was left and well that last nugget was always controversial like who's going to get that, so we always ended up giving it to younger children to played there. By the end of grade seven the girls squad got shrunk. Some of them left the school whereas some girls just made out their own. I was always everyone's friend. I never disliked any girl in my school. I was always making new friends. By the end of grade nine I made so many guy friends. My squad kept getting bogger and bigger. Peter, torro, Leonard, brice, asher, ruseb, Abraham, mike, boris, lilly, sally, lisa, mia, kim, zeniya and me. We were so good togather. I rember the day when I bought my camera to school, according to my school we were not allowed to have any electronic devices onto the school property unless there's an emergency or any important event, to take some memorable pictures with my friends in school. Asher, zeniya and me were the craziest in our squad we broke every rule together and got detention everytime. We were going all crazy while taking pictures with my brand new cam, when suddenly the vice principal saw us. For a moment even she laughed seeing us in that crazy mode but then we ended up enjoying detention together. Once we poured black paint all over the teacher's chair, but unfortunately mia sat on that.
Oh my god. I have so many memories in My mind that I can't right them all. All I know is that every single one us created fun out of the most boring situations. As time passed by we grew up into something else. We were indulged into different activities and intrests. Things created misunderstandings between us and we all broke apart.
I dont know if any of my friends miss me now, all I know is that their presence in my life was an important one. I wish I could say all this to an actual person but then here I am writing it in my dearest diary.
-Yours,
Ana fox.
Xoxo
