Now that my wife and kids have left and I'm on my own, there's not really a lot of things to do to occupy my time. If I wasn't with Jamia watching a movie, or playing with my kids, I would be playing guitar, waiting for My Chemical Romance to go back on tour. But then, that's never going to happen again now, so why torture myself even more with memories of the past? As I try and think of something to do, I put my hands in my hair, feeling slight grease on the strands. I think I should shower. I mean, I've always been a person that's pretty pro-hygiene, but showering has been so low down on my priorities list. I walk up the stairs, towards my bathroom. The bathroom is pretty basic for a house as big as mine, but I like it. People who spend money on big bath tubs and showers with sprays of water coming from the wall just waste the money. You only spend 15 minutes showering in a bathroom a day; you should probably just keep your money for something else. Slowly, I take off the clothes that had only been on my body for a few hours and step inside the shower cubicle, the cold air hitting my body. I tip the shower head to the right side so it sprays against the wall when I turn the dial and not my body, knowing from experience that the water is extremely cold when it first comes out. I turn on the shower, the fast, cold spray hitting the wall and some droplets of water hitting my legs, making me shiver. I tentatively put my hand under the spray, hoping it's heating up properly. I give a silent cheer when I realize it's now warm enough to stand under.
The water runs from my head, down my shoulders back, and then down my legs. The warmth makes me sigh in content and I relish in the fact that I'm actually feeling good right now. I don’t think I’ve felt this good in a while, and as cliché as it sounds, I feel like I’m washing away everything that’s bothering me. Gerard, Mikey, My Ex-wife, my kids; they’re that last thing on my mind right now. I’m thinking about how good I feel for once, and concentrating on feeling every stream of water flow down my body. As I go to reach for the shampoo by the shower door, I spot myself in the fogging mirror. There’s only a faint fog so I can still see myself in it clearly. I look at my body in the mirror and see nothing I like at all. My tattoos seem dull and sloppily placed against my skin. My stomach is getting bigger, my legs thicker and everything seems off. It doesn’t feel like it’s my body; I don’t want this to be my body. Maybe that’s why my ex-wife left me… because I got fat and ugly. Is that why I’m not allowed in Gerard and Mikey’s “band” – Because they think I’m too ugly to join?
Suddenly the warm shower seems unappealing and I shut it off, stepping out and grabbing a towel. I wrap it around my hips, the mirror fully fogged up now so I luckily can’t see myself anymore. The towel hugs my skin closely and I walk downstairs to hopefully get some coffee. I didn’t finish my coffee from starbucks, and so now I feel really desperate for a cup. But just as I reach the bottom of the stairs there’s a loud banging on the front door in front of me. I look down in horror, whoever it is can’t see me like this. But I couldn’t ignore the door and it would take too long to go and get changed. I improvise and pull the towel up from around my hips to around my chest, a lot like a girl would do. I breathe deeply with determination and reach for the door knob, hoping it’s nobody important. It’s probably just some girl scout who wants to sell me cookies and fudge balls. I open the door slowly, the heavy wood creaks, and there behind it is Gerard, standing with his arms crossed over his chest, his head facing upwards looking at the house, as if he was trying to look into my windows to see where I was. He must decide to look at the door one last time, because his face meets mine and his eyes blow wide like he’s been caught doing something wrong. If I didn’t feel so self-conscious I’d probably laugh at how much he reminds me of a deer caught in headlights.
“There you are!” He shouts, smiling wide, but then he looks at my towel covered body and his eyebrows raise, “Oh shit, I wasn’t interrupting your shower or anything was I? I can come back later-“
