UGLY

1

Your beautiful.

You would think those two words would brighten up anybody's day. Maybe they do but in my case....they don't.

No matter how many times someone compliments me on how pretty I am, I still look in the mirror and see.....someone ugly.

I try to constantly tell myself your not ugly, your not ugly. But in the end I'll still always feel the same way.

I have low self esteem. I might look happy but trust me, I'm not. How could I be? I don't love myself. I don't love what I look like. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE being an African American female. But why can't I look like the Instagram models? Or the girls with the big butts and the flat stomachs that guys always go for?

Yes I cake makeup on my face, and you wanna know why? Because it make me look like a whole other person. Someone beautiful, someone flawless, someone that turns heads everywhere they go. It's my stress reliever. Without makeup I don't feel pretty.

"Goddess!"

I took a deep breath in then breathed out. She must want me to walk to the corner store again.

"Yes ma'am?" I asked walking to my grandmother room to see what she wanted.

"Baby can you please run down to the store and get me a Pepsi and Plain chips" told you!

"Yes grams" I smiled. She handed me the money and I walked back out her room.

I checked to see if my makeup was on point before sliding my feet in some sandals. I never left the house without putting my face on. That's the only time I felt I could face the world.

My high wasted to short shorts begin riding up my ass with every step I took. My long weave pony swinging from side to side.

"Excuse me, yo ma! Where you headed to?" Someone called.

I smiled and continued walking. I loved getting attention from guys. It made me feel like they actually wanted me. So yes I wore short revealing clothes, just to get noticed.

I walked into the store that was just at the corner of my block. Going straight for the freezer. I grabbed grams Pepsi then went and got her chips.

"How you doing today?" The clerk asked once I was ready to ring up.

"I'm good, you?"

"Wonderful, tell your grandmother I said hello" He smiled handing me my change and goodies.

I nodded and walked out the store. Quickly making my way up the block I was back in the house in no time.

"Here you go grams. Oh and Mr James told me to tell you hi" I said handing her her things.

"Thank you baby. Goddess why do you wear so much makeup? Baby your beautiful without it" Grams frowned.

"I like it" I shrugged. It makes me look beautiful.

"Okay" She said before turning her attention back to family feud.

I walked back to my room and picked up my phone that I left here to charge. I was waiting on a text from Ty the guy I was talking to.

I haven't spoken to him since the time we "did it" last week and I've been blowing his phone up nonstop.

Hey Ty, Wyd?

Wyd?

Wya?

Wassup boo?!

I miss you!

Haven't gotten a response to none of them yet. Idk maybe he got back with his girl friend. But if that was the case then he could've at least told me!

Night was slowly approaching and I was starting to get tired. It was time to wash the makeup off. Time to get back to reality. My reality of being the ugly duckling.

I really wish I could see what everyone else see. But I don't. I'm ugly....and nothing's going to change that.

I strut around here everyday like I have the highest self esteem in the world! Like my confidence is as high as my heels! But the truth is I'm really hurting inside.

Truth is all I want is to be beautiful.

Truth is all I want is to love and be loved.

Truth is all I want is....is....happiness.

What do you guys think?