ONCE (One-shot Story)

Once (Pt. 4)

                 

We decided to take a stroll around the park after class. She was quiet as we walked. I found her strange that day because she wasn't the usual bubbly and full-of-life kind of Katerina. I tried to make myself believe that she was thinking of a way to start a conversation.

"There are lots of girls you can be with, but why did choose me?" she said, breaking the silence. We were already standing in front of a huge acacia tree.

I looked at her, puzzled. I didn't expect her to start the conversation that way.

"What do you mean?" I asked back, lines were drawn on my forehead.

"I mean, you're a straight A-lister in our school. There are lots of pretty girls who are willing to do everything just to get your attention," she paused for a while. I heard her heave a deep sigh. Then she looked right at me. "But why did you choose to go with me over them?"

She took a step forward but I stopped her and held her close to me. I kissed her. She looked down at the ground when our bodies pulled apart. I cupped her chin with my finger and gently lifted her head up, making her look at me again. Our gazes connected.

"You're a wonderful person, Katerina. You're kind and your simplicity makes you the most beautiful girl I've ever met."

I didn't know how I came up with those words. It was my heart speaking and I just verbalized them so she would hear.

"Katerina, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much," I said to her, almost whispering those words. It was the first time I'd ever said those words to a girl. 

As soon as I finished talking, she bowed down and cried. She leaned her body to me as she was covering her face with her palms. I draped my arms around her body. That was when I realized she was thin. She lost weight and I remembered that she'd barely touch her food when we ate our lunch, though it was her favorite.

"Please don't say that," she mumbled. Her shoulders started to shake. "Please..."

"But I do, Katerina. I do love you. Please let me love you," I begged. I almost fell on my knees, but she held my hand and stopped me.

She cried even harder. "No..." she whispered to me through her sobs.

"Why are you saying no? Don't you love me, too?" I asked.

I was desperate to hear the reason behind everything she'd told me. Silence reigned between us for a couple of seconds. The moment of waiting felt like I was strangled into death. Another moment had passed and she stopped crying. She looked up at me and kissed me gently.

"You can't be in love with me, James. You deserve someone better than me," she answered through red and swollen eyes.

"Why not, Katerina? Is there someone else?" My voice started to rise. I really found it hard to understand her.

"Because... Because I'm dying, James. I have pancreatic cancer," she finally said softly.

Her revelation numbed my whole body. The blood drained from my face and a bundle of dizzying images danced through my mind. I wished that moment was just part of a bad dream. That soon I'd wake up and my lovely Katerina wasn't really dying.

"No, Katerina. Please tell me this is just a joke," I whispered to her ear. My tears started to fall. It was my first time to cry in front of another person.

"I'm sorry, James. I'm really sorry," she kept saying over and over.

I held her tight as I couldn't think of anything to do. I tried to stop my tears from my eyes but I failed. I failed to be the rock I think she needed.