Fun in the Oven

Chapter 12

About nine months later, Harley awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of crying. She sighed heavily, rubbing her eyes and trying to wake herself up, looking around at the empty bed. Suddenly, the crying stopped. Puzzled, Harley got up and headed for the nursery. It was empty.

Panic seized her. "Puddin'!" she called, rushing toward his study. If he wasn't asleep, he was bound to be working. She threw open the door and started in surprise at what she saw.

The Joker was holding Arleen and J.J., their twin babies, in his arms, rocking them gently as he explained his latest scheme to them. The babies had fallen silent, and were listening in rapt attention as their father spoke to them, gazing at him with their mother's wide, blue eyes.

"...so basically it'll result in the Bat's ultimate humiliation, followed by his deliciously delirious death," finished Joker. "Or that's the plan anyway. Funny thing is, though, things never quite seem to go to plan with me. But I guess the fun is in the unpredictability, huh, kiddies?"

Arleen gurgled happily, while J.J. curled up in his father's arms and yawned. "Yeah, you're both probably tuckered out from all that screaming earlier," said Joker, nodding. "Maybe I'd better get you back to bed. You too, pooh, you look tired," he said, smiling at Harley.

"Oh...yeah...I am, puddin'," said Harley, still gaping at him in astonishment. "I just thought...the babies were crying..."

"Well, I was up anyway, pooh, and you were so slow at getting your lazy ass outta bed, that I thought I'd better stop them screaming myself," said Joker. "Turns out all they needed was a little attention," he said, making a face at Arleen, who giggled. "I don't blame 'em. I'm the kinda guy who likes an audience myself. They'll grow up to be great comedians, just like their Daddy, won't they, precious?" he cooed, giving Arleen an Eskimo kiss.

"O...K...I'll just go back to bed...then," stammered Harley.

"Yeah, don't worry about these night shifts, baby – I'm up anyway, so I'll take care of the kiddies," he said. "You just rest up so you can take care of all their screaming and crying and messes they make during the day, how about that?"

"That...sounds great," stammered Harley. She beamed, and kissed him tenderly. "You're such a good Daddy."

"Course I am, Harley," he retorted. "These kiddies are mini versions of me. I gotta love 'em, because I love me."

"I love you too, puddin'," breathed Harley, kissing him again. "Goodnight. Goodnight, angels," she murmured, stroking her babies' faces gently.

She headed back to bed. Joker headed back into the nursery, lying the babies gently down in their cribs. He smiled at them as they slept. "If you wanna be angels, kiddies, you go ahead and do that," he murmured. "Be do-goody hero types if you wanna. I promise I won't be mad. It'd be a good joke, after all, the Joker's kids turning out to be heroic."

He kissed them both in turn. "But for once in my life, I hope you do the right thing, and take after your Daddy," he said, smiling and shutting the door behind him.

The End