Best Friends Don't Sleep Together - A.H. Series #1

Chapter 18

VIVIAN

"We need to talk." Chris said, looking rather serious.

I dropped the knife I'd been using to cut the oranges for the mimosas, and turned around slowly. When I heard the front door close, I knew Adam had played mediator as usual. I didn't answer at first, my heart was beating in my throat, and at the same time it broke at the sight of a disheveled Chris, evidently upset and in pain. It's true that we have barely seen each other this week, but I wasn't prepared to such a miserable sight.

He took a couple of steps closer, barely attempting a smile. "I think it's about time."

I crossed my arms over my chest, mostly to resist and not jump into his arms as I usually would. I need to move on, do what's best for me, and pining for him until the rest of my days simply isn't it. Especially not now that he's back with Karen. Do I really want to go back to those hours spent listening to him vent about her? Or her sending me death glare every time her boyfriend even only smiled tenderly at me? Do I really want that drama?

"Viv ..." Chris called, probably sensing I was putting up a barrier between us, physically and emotionally.

"I'm sorry I missed our anniversary." I murmured, eyes on the floor, because even only looking at him was difficult. What's kept me so long by his side, despite the unrequited nature of my feelings, was the fact that I was happy. That simply being around Chris felt like enough, spending time with him was a blessing, and the joyous moments outnumbered the painful ones.

But now it feels like the opposite. Like pain outpowers joy, because every time I think about him, I see him entangled with Karen, I hear her moans, I see the way she maliciously looked at me, as if establishing her territory, claiming victory. It's not a cheating, it's not, because we've never been a couple, yet it feels like one.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as I should have." Chris countered, coming to stand just a few inches away from me.

I dug my nails in my skin not to say the words, but they tumbled out of my mouth regardless: "It's fine, relationships take up a lot of time."

"Relationships?"

I closed my eyes. "There's no need to pretend, you know." I murmured, tired of a heart that wouldn't cease aching. I let out a shaky breath. "I'm happy if you're happy."

"Except I'm not." Chris argued, and I felt like a sharp electric shock curse through my veins when he grabbed my arms to disentangle them. "How could I be happy without you?"

"Chris ..."

He pulled me into his arms, embracing me, and left his face behind my back. "I missed you so bad, Vivy."

"I've always been here."

"We've barely seen each other, barely talked." Chris pointed out. "It's like I lost you without even knowing why."

Normally, my arms would have wrapped around his shoulder, I would have returned his hug all too gladly. I would have basked in that intoxicating scent of his, especially because I missed him, too, more than I could possibly allow myself to. But I couldn't. For once in my life, I need to stick to my decision. "You didn't lose me," I murmured, trying to measure my words because talking without emotion wasn't as easy as it may seem.

"Even now, you're not really glad to see me."

I heaved a deep sigh, making mad efforts to maintain control. I would have much preferred to have a little warning, prepare for this meeting. Ambushing me like that was really insensitive from Adam's part. How could he expect me to face his brother abruptly like that?