Insanity (Dandy Mott)

chapter 3

// Veronica //

Eggs, Sausage, toast and oatmeal with a glass of orange juice. A spoon on one side of my plate and a fork and a knife on the other side, My napkin folded neatly in my lap. I sit at one end of the table and mother sits on the opposite end. John sits in the middle and stares at the wall with his fork in one hand and his knife in the other.

Boring. Simply boring.

This is how it is every morning when we wake up. We all get dressed and make it down to the dining room for breakfast by 8:30. We all eat the same thing at the same time and then we finish at around 9:05.

Next we each go on with our day.

John slumps back to his room until lunch or until he has to use the restroom. His sobs can be heard from two rooms away and then he comes out and doesn't even attempt to hide his pain. Pathetic is what I think he is.

Mother goes to town with our maid, Angela. Sometimes instead she'll drag me along.

She usually comes back with a hideous dress for herself or a worse one for me or maybe a nice pair of ear rings and some shiny shoes. She also comes back with loads of makeup, All of it the same as the last batch. Eye shadow barely noticeable on her eye lids and a subtle pink lipstick and far too much blush.

I sometimes wonder why she even buys the face paint. It's barely noticeable anyways.

My day is always the same as well. I go up to my room and stare out the window. Every now and then cars will fly down the street or a bird will land near my window. Sometimes the leaves on the tree near my window will fall to the ground and I enjoy counting how many fall at a time.

Sometimes if I'm lucky, I'll see a handsome man walk down the street but that damn near never happens. Eventually I'll move away from my window and I'll go into my bathroom and do things that young ladies aren't supposed to do. Sometimes I giggle when I'm touching myself because I know mother would scold me if she knew. I don't see why. I'm a grown woman.

Lust

I hold a lot of that inside me. I've only ever had sex once and it was with a boy a year or two older than me. He was attractive but not that attractive and I never got to finish because he did far too fast. But those five minutes, Boy they were great. He touched me all over and it was just pleasant. Ever since then I've dreamed about having a sexual relationship with a man who could please me a lot more than that boy did.

"Veronica, Dear. You haven't touched your food and breakfast is all most over." Mother's voice draws me out of my thoughts and I roll my eyes at her. "I don't want it." I grumble. "Same as always and it's shit." I sigh.

"Veronica!" John yells. His voice is raspy as usual from all his crying. "Miss Angela worked very hard on that breakfast! Don't be so disrespectful!" He nags. I roll my eyes again. "Oh please, Save me your speech. Go back to your hopeless weeping and hold your dirty tongue."

"Veronica, Why don't you and I go into town today?" Mother asks, Ignoring the hostile comments. "You're in need of a new dress and I'm sure we could find you something brand new. Would you like new gloves? Or maybe, A new jewelry box-"

"I'd like to leave the table. Now." I huff. She nods silently, Looking down at her plate.

I stand up from the table and walk towards the front door. I suppose stepping outside will be a slight change. Instead of watching the leaves fall from my window I can watch up close.

******

I look up at the sun, Ruining my eyes more every second I stare at it and think about last night. What Dandy had said. He called me different. He said I was different from all the other girls around here. That pleased me but...Am I really?