Dreams {J. Cole}

Chapter I

-five years ago-

May 21, 2008

Jermaine †

-After school

I grabbed her hand and started running to my mother's house. I could tell she was startled by my gesture but she went along with it for the time being. It was more of my grandmother's more than anything. The green leaves from the oak trees made my granny's white house look a light green color. A couple huge oak trees surrounded her front yard giving the front lawn almost complete shade. We ran through the white picket fence gate and sat down under my granny's pecan tree in the back.

"Jermaine! What was that for?" She yelled at me while catching her breath.

"I'm not sure. Something just took over me."

"So you dragged me here for no reason?" I didn't know how to answer. I didn't want to lie to her. I needed to tell her how I feel. I was to leave for New York in exactly a week and possibly never return. So either I tell her now or not at all.

"I'm sorry Tremaine."

She took a deep stare in my eyes. I knew she had better things to do than to mess around with me. She was a straight A+ student with a few B+'s here and there. Tremaine stepped a little closer to me and gave me a hug. Nothing more. Nothing less. Still in the friend zone. We've been here for the longest. Since middle school started, 4 years ago. She sighed and turned around to leave. She didn't live far from my house, it was down a few houses. She got to the front gate, looked back at me and gave me a fragile smile.

At this point I couldn't stand it anymore. Before she got even close to the curb I ran behind her. She turned around and I kissed her gently but with passion. Yes she kissed back but it felt like she didn't know who I was anymore. Like she forgot everything about me. I guess I am just someone she used to know.

But I should be more than that. We've known each other practically forever. She should at least have some type of remorse. She left without turning back. A piece of my life just left. Hopefully that kiss spoke the words I could never say to her.

Tremaine †

-After School; Jermaine's House

"I'm sorry Tremaine." Jermaine apologized.

I took a deep stare into his eyes. My eyes made their way down to his lips. Lord knows how many times I've wanted to kiss them. He was something like the class clown but was the intelligent class clown. He was supposed to leave in a week to start on his career. He has a lot of potential, more than these mainstream rap artist. We've been 'friends' since the beginning of time and yet still in the friend zone; but I've always wanted to be more than that. I would also prefer the term an unestablished relationship. I gave him a hug and made my way home. I got almost out of the gate and I heard footsteps running behind me. I stopped and turned around to see Jermaine running towards me. He stood in front of me and kissed me. This wasn't the first time but it felt like it. I let go and smiled at him and left. Bad ending some might say. I know who he is but it's like he doesn't know who I am. Like he forgot everything about me, or he's going to forget who I am over the years. I guess I am just someone he used to know.

But I should be way more than that. We've known each other practically forever. I left without turning back. I couldn't remind myself of what I was losing. I just left piece of my life. I could obviously tell he meant a lot of words he couldn't tell me up front.

-one year later-

May 27, 2009

Jermaine †

-Streets of New York

I jogged across the busy street getting soaked by rain in the process. I hid underneath the awning of an old building. It looked like a recording studio from the sign above. I walked inside, adjusting my backpack on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, you can't be here, we are closed due to the weather." The lady and the desk said. I sighed and went back outside to stand underneath the awning. It began to thunder then lightning lighting up the dark New York sky in mid-day. It was unusual seeing the city like this. From the past year I've never seen Manhattan so dreary in the summer. It reminded me of Tremaine so much. She was never unhappy but my last week in Fayetteville she was upset. I still keep a vivid memory of the day I last kissed her. I squatted down waiting for the rain to pass through. My phone vibrated with a text saying 'Yo, you have a meeting you didn't know about.' I got up a started wandering around. I don't know where I'm going but hopefully today is the day that changes my life. I made my way up about 2 blocks and I got another text 'Where you at? Jay on his way!' That's when I knew this sh-t was going down. I started running towards the office ,which was a block away, where I was supposed to meet him for the past 3 weeks. My hands were sweaty that I could barely open the door to the office. I got in and sat in the waiting room. I had just enough time to get myself together before he walked in. D-mn I'm taller than Jay- Z. He was cool as a fan, like this wasn't a big deal. My people played this song Lights Please, and Jay was feeling it. We played 5 different tracks in 3 hours and talked about my plans and sh-t. He dismissed the meeting and I heard him talking about signing me. Tonight was the night to get high and drunk, forget about my old life in the Ville and get used to this new life.

Tremaine †

-Tremaines Graduation

I walked onto the stage where some of my peers stood. The principal handed me my diploma and I gladly accepted it. I stopped and smiled so my parents in the front row could get a picture of me. One year ago, May 21st, the day Jermaine kissed me. He left a week later on the 28th but we never spoke after the kiss. He continuously tried to contact me but I was too hurt to even to think about him at that time. I licked my lips quickly just to try to remember that kiss. It didn't work. I truly miss Jermaine. It's like don't know who he is anymore. Like I forgot everything about him. Over the past couple years he's blown up a little only to become a underrated rapper. I heard he got out of school early and is working on his career.

Remembrance of him slowly faded back into my memory. He was the sweetest guy on the block, but I didn't let that fool me. He was also a prankster. Jermaine wasn't quick to let people inside his life, stubborn some might say. He let me in because I was his first 'love', truth is I love him back and still to this day I do. I believe I'm only something he used to know.

-present day-

April 9, 2013

Jermaine †

-Recording Studio

I miss my old life, it was only 5 years ago that I was sitting around in Fayetteville. Not like I remember any of it; neither do I want to. I watched my brother get shot somewhere in the projects of Ville. I still have nightmares about it. I don't remember anyone there, except family and this one girl. For the life if me I can't remember her name. It was something like Annalise, Jezebel, Melissa; sh-t I don't know. I remember she was an important factor in my life at one point. I'm not going to leave her unnamed but for now she is named Marilyn. I stepped in the booth ready to rap over my newly made beat.

"Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn't have

And then I end up fucking with someone I shouldn't have

See, in my mind, it's like I'm perfect for her, I gotta show her

But sadly, in reality, dog, I don't even know her

But still somehow she got my mind infatuated

Absolutely fascinated with the thoughts of what she might be like

Time after time after time I had to wait, is-

Is fate procrastinating?

I can take it 'cause I might be right."

Perfect on the first try, dedicated to Marilyn. She was always something I couldn't have. I guess its because when I could finally get her close to me I would f-ck it up. In my mind or some point in reality I was perfect for her. But I don't even know my reasoning is good anymore because I doubt I know her. Yet I'm so interested in her, what she's like, because I completely forgot. Not that I wanted to, she just moved out my life.

Tremaine †

-Tremaine's house

"Malcolm, drop it, it doesn't concern you!" I yelled at my boyfriend, Malcolm. We have been arguing for about the last 2 hours about an issue that regards me, and no one else. "You overdosing on your pills doesn't concern me?" I shook my head yes with a bit of an attitude. "Bullsh-t Tremaine. Straight bullsh-t." I ignored his comment and opened the pill bottle and popped out two, when I'm only supposed to have one. I've been on this specific medication for 2 years and been with Malcolm for one. I never told him; let alone anyone; why I have to take it, I plan on not telling him as long at we are together, which hopefully won't be long. I took the pills to the head with some water behind it. Malcolm was mad at me, I could tell by him slamming the room door. I have a good reason for 'overdosing' on my pills. I have anxiety; which means I could have episodes at night while I'm sleeping if I don't take it. I took one pill before but I still had episodes so I started taking two without the doctors permission. Malcolm at this point, I don't think he could handle that issue with me right now. In the past couple weeks I've opened up to him. That's something that I can't do with people normally, but I think I actually trust him. I told him about my childhood, somethings I went through, the peer pressure, and about my childhood friend, Jermaine. Malcolm got really annoyed when I started talking about Jermaine in such a way. It felt like I was talking for hours yet just repeating myself. There isn't a day that I'm not thinking about Jermaine and wondering if he still thinks about me.

Comment and Vote please! If your a J. Cole fan I know you know that Warm Up was a little after he got signed and the Warm up was some years after he got signed. I know the his rise to fame but this is just a story.