Finding you

Chapter 21: I Love You

Astrid's POV

"I hope you don't mind me asking," I began as I cut into my yak chop, raising a brow at my daughter. "but why are you so ... emotional about your father going away on business?"

Zephyr put down her utensils as she rested her fingers lightly on the edge of the table. Hiccup hadn't been gone for longer than a day and Zephyr wasn't acting like her usual excitable and cheery self, which made me wonder what had caused this drastic change in her personality.

The house felt unusually empty as I stared at her over the table, where just the two of us were seated. Our dragons were probably sleeping soundly in their pens over at the stables and Toothless was away with Hiccup. It wasn't the first time I had been by myself at home while Hiccup had been out on business, the last time that had happened I had been eight months pregnant and felt like a walrus with inconceivably large feet. Back then, Hiccup had made the outstandingly clever decision to leave his moody wife behind with Gobber whilst he was out creating alliances. At the time, I had been incredibly offended at the mere thought of Hiccup wanting me to stay home, mostly because I thought that he doubted my strength and guidance because I was pregnant and emotionally unstable. Turns out, he was right to have left me behind as the day after my feet were so swollen that I could barely stand so Gobber had to spend his day massaging said swollen feet, something he was surprisingly good at, especially considering that the man only had one fully-functioning hand.

A sigh escaped Zephyr as she shrugged, eyes glued to the half-eaten yak-chop on her plate. "I ... I don't know, it's just been this way ever since I was little."

"Oh, alright." I nodded as I continued eating my dinner, but it became clear that I had misinterpreted the direction the conversation was going as Zephyr suddenly burst right back into a monologue.

"It all started when I was very little. In the beginning I just brushed it off seeing as I was so used to dad leaving for weeks at a time, but then I grew older and with every trip dad took I realized there was a chance he would never come back. My friends on the other hand never understood why I got so upset, to them it was just a normal occurrence — especially seeing as they always had at least one parent that remained on the island with them. It took me years before I realized that it was all because of you." Zephyr's ocean blue eyes were brimming with tears as our eyes locked. "I only had one parent and I was terrified of losing him, because if I lost him I would not only have to take over the heavy weight of being Chief at a young age, but I would also have to be an orphan and I would feel completely alone in the world."

I placed a hand over Zephyr's, grasping it tight as I furrowed my brows. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you and your father, Zephyr."

Sniffling, Zephyr shook her head. "N-no, don't be sorry. You did it because you wanted us to be safe and happy, we can't blame you for that. Besides, even though I might not have had a mother during my earliest years, I had a pretty good substitute. I remember one night dad was out searching for you and Gobber was babysitting me. I had been crying for half an hour and Gobber had no idea how to calm me down so he brought me over to Ruffnut, who knew just what to do. When dad came home he was very interested in hearing all about the unusual occurrence, seeing as he had never considered Ruffnut to be such a nurturing and empathetic mother-figure as she had been to me."

I couldn't help but let out a snort. "I don't blame him for being skeptical about that one. We were all a little worried when Ruffnut and Fishlegs announced that they were going to become parents."

A smile tugged at the corners of Zephyr's lips. "Really?"

"Really. Let's just say that Ruffnut was even rowdier in her youth than she is now." I shot my daughter a warm smile as I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "But please, tell me more about your childhood, I'd love to hear it all."

Zephyr's eyes lit up as a grin spread across her face. She seemed so excited to share her life with me and I couldn't help but be sucked in by her pure enthusiasm and joy. "Well, after that little incident Ruffnut became the mother I never had. I spent a lot of time over at the Ingerman-house where I ended up befriending their daughter, Cortie. But it was on those special days of the year like Snoggletog and Mother's Day that I still felt like the odd one out. Hard as Ruffnut tried to be a good mother-figure for me, I still knew she wasn't my real mother and regardless of what anyone said to me, it still stung to see all those other kids curled up in their mother's arms at the end of a long evening or tugging at their mother's skirts whenever they wished for her attention. It was hard, but I was lucky enough to have dad there with me, who always made sure that I was plenty busy on those days doing things with him so that I wouldn't focus on the lack of a mother too much, even though he struggled even more than I did. No amount of father-daughter flights, playtimes or cups of warm yak-milk by the hearth could heal the pain he felt inside. But regardless of that, he put on a happy facade and stayed strong for me, no matter how much it hurt him to forget about you for even a moment."

I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip as I had to keep myself from bawling. A wave of guilt washed over me as I truly realized the consequences of my actions. A searing, throbbing pain spread through my chest. "My gods, I had no idea. Zephyr, I'm so incredibly sorry."

With a small smile, Zephyr shook her head. "You don't need to be. Just you being here with me now already makes me feel better — it lessens the stress of dad leaving knowing that I have at least one parent with me. And besides, now I don't have to feel jealous of the others on Snoggletog or mother's day, since now I actually have a mother, my own mother by my side."

I stood from the table and walked over to wrap Zephyr in my arms. At first, she seemed a little surprised at the gesture, but eventually she leaned in and enjoyed the embrace just as much as I did. I ran my hand over her hair as I attempted to soothe whatever stress and anxiety was brewing inside of her. "I'm here now, Zeph, and I'm never leaving again."

Zephyr tightened her grasp around me, clinging onto me for dear life as if she feared I would disappear if she didn't hold on to me hard enough. "Don't go, don't ever go. I don't want to be alone again."

I rested my head atop hers as I kept on gently stroking her hair, feeling warm drops of what I assumed to be tears dripping onto my shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, Zeph. You won't be alone, sweetie. You have your dad, you have me, you have Firestorm and you have all of your friends. None of us are going anywhere."

"I love you, mom." Zephyr sniffled as my heart melted in my chest. Who knew that three little words could spark such joy in a human being? This was the first time she had ever told me that she loved me and I felt like I was going to burst into tears of joy at any second.

With a smile on my face and tears glittering in the corners of my eyes, I pressed a kiss to the side of my daughter's head. "I love you too, Zephyr."