Obstruction

I Love Rock n Roll

- I Love Rock n Roll, Joan Jett -

https://open.spotify.com/track/0p20xyAdYkaxAPWdXr0sir

- October 22nd -

Our first gig as a four piece band was coming up, and I was dying.
I spent every spare moment in the band room and had even asked Simon to come to my house to rehearse some extra.

I had a load of their old songs memorised and we had rehearsed a few new ones to suit my female voice.
I had insisted on Alone by Heart, even though it was a super-sappy song. Simon wanted a few Joan Jett tunes and there were a few Blondie and No Doubt songs that needed some work before they were gig-worthy.
Oddball had asked if we could rehearse a few Siouxie Sioux but I had trouble doing her songs any favours.
But now I was in doubt if I could do any of them.

"Will you just chill, Izzy? You know these songs. You are going to nail it," Simon said on the Friday holding a hand on each of my shoulders and staring straight into my eyes with a patient look.

My nails were bitten to the quick and I was regretting ever joining the band.

"What if they hate me?" I asked.

"They won't," Simon said.

"What if they boo because I sing off key?" I asked.

Simon sighed.

"Izzy. You are the best thing to happen to this band. You are going to be fine," he reassured.

"Besides... you have the three hottest guys on campus backing you up. Chances are they will be too busy eyeballing us to look at you," Odd grinned.

"Great... I'm a grey mouse with a squeaky voice who's gonna puke on stage," I huffed and dumped myself on the cushions in the corner.

"Hey. I didn't mean it like that Izzy! Any of our male audience are going to worship you!" Odd said trying to back pedal.

"Happy medium, Oddball. Happy fucking medium!" Simon muttered at the drummer.

"Okay... But she is a stunner. They are going to love her!" he said defensively.

I buried my face in my knees while Odd and Simon argued over my looks and appeal.

"Hey. You'll be fine," I heard Ethan say quietly next to me.

"Then why do I feel so scared?" I asked wiping tears from my cheeks.

"'Cos you're human," Ethan said.

I looked up at him to see a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks," I said grabbing the kleenex he was holding out to me.

"Just pretend the audience isn't there. That's what I do," he shrugged.

I blew my nose embarrassingly loud.

"Yeah. I forgot you struggle with this crap. You just seem so... strong. So used to this," I said

"I fall apart before every show," he smiled.

"But... You're Ethan the rock-god!" I said trying to make a joke of it.

"Don't know about any divine powers, but I hate the five minutes before a gig," he laughed looking embarrassed.

I looked at him more closely for a few moments.

He sat there, all quiet, not asking anything from me.
His presence.
His calm.
His empathy.
It helped calm my nerves.
He had his guitar on his knee, shifting his fingers on the fretboard without actually playing. Just practicing changes and shifts.