Daddy's still here.

Before this life

I hold Maddie in my arms as I walk through the store. She points to a giraffe stuffed animal and I grab it for her to hold while I walk around.

She's two now......two years sense I lost Abby.

For old times sake I walk over to the music section and look at all of her favorite bands new albums. The ones she has at home I've learned to so many times I know the song by heart, I know what album it's in and when that album came out, I know every songs name, and all the lyrics to each one. I never knew how much music my loved listened to, until I realized that some of her most completed collections where of my band. She went through so much to be with me. I was such a punk back then. Even though we got married at a young age, we knew that we would make it, even when I was gone on tour a lot at the beginning and I was up late and slept in.

In all the chaos, she was my rock. The one ting that never changed from my mind, body and heart. She never once complained, I think it was because she knew how much my music meant to me. It was one of the strongest things that held us together when times got ruff. She stuck by my side through it all; but when I found out she was pregnant, I didn't hesitate to stop my music career for her. She fought me on it to the moon and back, but I told her that she didn't need to worry anymore about me chasing my dream, because in reality I already found it with her.

"Morning Jason." I peek out of the back of the car where I'm unbuckling Maddie and see Mr.Johnson walking up.

"Morning." He grabs a few bags and walks to the front door of my house as if he lives there. A small smile forms on my face, he is such a nosey old man; he was the same way when Abby and I first moved in, but at that time his wife was also still alive. We are both now widowers. I move Maddie into one arm and place her on my hip as I carry some groceries with the other. Her new giraffe stuffed animal blinding my left eye as I go up the front steps and into the house.

"How's miss. Maddie today?" He asks as he finishes putting the groceries he brought in away.

I look at her and she leans her head on my should, shying away from Mr. Johnson's warm smile. "She's good, tired I'm sure." I look over at the clock and just like always she gets like this around 2, when I'm about to put her down for a nap. He smiles and excuses himself as he leaves the house. I heard the front door click shut and I set Maddie down in her high chair. After getting some applesauce and I bib, I sit down in front of her; she smiles at me as I nod out a spoon full and she eats it happily. I know that she's too young to know, but I'm afraid of what will happen when she realizes mommy isn't here.

My heart squeezes. Abbie was looking forward to being called "mommy" by our baby. She had told me countless times and she was excited to call my daddy, along with hear our child call me that. As Maddie finishes the applesauce, I clean her up and take her to her room right a crossed the hall from me. The walls are a light purple, with gray wood floors to match the rest of the house. Her curtains are light green with light blue butterflies on them. Multiple stuffed animals line the shelves and toy chest, but her favorite is a smaller giraffe that Abby had picked the first day she found out she would be having a girl. It's small and extremely soft, the baby pink and dark pink patches where similar to the giraffe I bought her today. She grabbed the little giraffe and lauded down with them both. I leaned down and she pulled out her binky to kiss me back, then put it back into her mouth.

"Good night baby girl." I whisper as she starts to fall asleep, I walk to the door and look over at my shoulder at her,"I love you."

I close the door, but leave it open just a crack so that she won't feel trapped.

Going to the living room, I press the play button on the CD player. I flop down on the couch and lean my head back, closing my eyes I'm met with Abby smiling at me.

"Baby! Hurry up, my parents are waiting." She calls to me from the car.

"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick love." I retort holding my stomach as I drag my feet to the car.

She rolls her beautiful blue eyes at me,"come on. They are not that scary. I promise."

After we got there, we had dinner and talked for a long time about life. Little did she know that her father and me had already spoken many times; I had secretly met with him to ask for her hand in marriage and he was like a father to me as well when he smiled widened and he shook my hand, giving me the thumbs up.

Our wedding wasn't big or extravagant, it was close family and friends, the decorations where beautiful and everything my love dreamed of having. I had more than enough money to have an expensive over the top wedding, but that's not what she wanted. I remember every little thing about the wedding and how I couldn't breath as she walked down the aisle to me. I'll admit that I cried a little, that I couldn't wait a minute more to call her my wife and be with her forever.

"Baby, this is where you kiss me." She whispers to me as we stand at the altar.

"Huh?" I say bringing myself back from her Captivating beauty.

She laughed lightly and threw her arms around me neck, crashing her lips to mine and I didn't hesitate to kiss her back just as passionately even though I could hear the audience cheer and howt for us.

I can still remember the feeling of her lips on mine, the warm, soft texture and her breath on my neck. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I let it go down my cheek and neck. I take in a shaky breath and lean forward with my elbows on my knees and placing my head in my hands as more tears fall. I run my fingers through the front of my hair and tighten my grip. I sob silently, to not wake up Maddie in the other room.

"I miss you so much Abbie." I croak.

Her favorite song plays in the back ground and I remember is dancing to it here in the house one night before she was due to have Maddie. Her belly was huge and she didn't feel good, so I had made her chicken noodle soup, grabbed her favorite sweats, hoodie (which was mine and I loved to see her wear it like it was her greatest treasure), her overly fluffy socks and I dressed her then held her hands as I turned on the music and played this song. She smiled at me and she placed her head on my chest and I put mine around her, our baby safely tucked in between us.

"Ehhh." I feel a small hand on my arm and I look up. Maddie is standing in front of me with her binky in and her giraffes in her small arms. She is crying too and I pick her up, holding her in my arms.

"Shhh, it's ok baby." I coo to her and she holds onto my tighter. "Shhh, daddy's still here."

I run my fingers through her soft dark hair and she closes her bright blue eyes that are just like her mothers, cutting off the tear supple. I lean back on the couch as I hold her tightly. "Shhh, daddy's still here." I whisper to her kissing the top of her head and listen to the next song that comes on. Abby twirling around the room in front of us as if to cheer us up.