Jade was the only person who broke my heart. No one has ever made me miserable during the first 3 months after I decided to leave her. Many times I wanted to check on her or just have a glimpse of her and I know I'll be fine. It was hard not seeing Jade. I would rather get hurt than not to see her. But not seeing her hurts more. I badly miss her then. My remedy to this misery is to get drunk until I fall asleep. For 3 months of my life is a hell here in Seattle. I drag myself going home so drunk, waking up with a terrible headache and then drink again in the evening. I wanted to forget Jade but I wasn't successful. It was hard, it was tough. I got a call from my mom one morning, evening in the Philippines. She was about to tell some news from Jade but I stopped her from telling me. I know how moms feel about their kids especially when they are in deep trouble. Mom asked me if I am okay, I told her I am. But I know she doesn't believe me. She doesn't know anything about me and Jade but my intuition says she can feel there's something going on between us. My mom wants me to open up and tell her everything but I hesitated. "Althea, I don't know exactly what you are going through but I want you to know that I understand you. I love you, honey. I miss you." Mom's words were like a balm that soothes my aching heart. After talking to her, I realize that I am messing my life. They say that the one who broke you cannot be the one who can make you whole again. In 3 months of staying here all I think about Is Jade and how she caused me a lot of pain. I thought she will be my only cure for this suffering. I wanted her so badly but reality bites. She's already married. I tried to pick up my broken pieces. I tried to stay away from getting drunk. I made new friends from the short course I took on managerial. I then started to call the manager in charge at my business. He is now directly reporting to me. When I left, my mom was the one taking care of my café. Slowly I'm getting up again but if someone have to ask me if I am over Jade. I'll answer no, not yet, not ever even when I know she already belongs to someone else.
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Somehow, I got my family in to trouble. I received my father's rage when I backed out at my wedding. I am glad my mother was there to back me up. I explained to them that I wasn't ready and I apologized that I had to do it at the day of my wedding. My family forgave me but I think on David's side they are all mad at me. David, tried to talk to me many times. Almost every day he goes to my condo but I told the security not to let him in. He's been calling me many times until I got pissed off and blocked his number on my phone. I know I gotta face him and do some explaining to him. One day I went to the office after my vacation leave. All eyes were on me but I don't care about what people say about me. I went straight to David's office and talk to him. "I'm sorry." Were my first words. I have rehearsed the things I would say to him but it turned out differently. David cried when we talked. My heart was crushed seeing him like that. Why can't I love this man who loves me truly? "I'm really sorry, David. I just can't love you the way you love me. I tried but I never got there." My words seemed harsh but that's really how I feel about him. I hope one day he could forgive me.
Many times I've tried to look for Althea. I have beg her mom to tell me where is Althea now. Her mom told me she went to the States but Althea never mentioned her exact whereabouts. Her mom began to ask me if what's going on between us, if we are fighting or something. I wish I can tell her everything but I can't. She hugged me and said to me, "I hope you guys are alright. Save the friendship, Jade. I talk to her sometimes...she seems different. What happen to my Althea, Jade?" It breaks my heart to see her hurting because she doesn't know what's happening to her only child. I wish I could tell her everything.
Days, weeks, months, a year have passed but no traces of her. I don't want to ask her mom about her. I am hurting the fact that I don't see her anymore. The fact she never wants me anymore in her life is painful. One Sunday afternoon at the family lunch, Tita Veronica (Althea's mom) was there. She left her phone on the table and I was tempted to peek and search for Althea's number. On the screen she received a text from Althea. I picked up Tita Veronica's phone and copied the number. 1 206 7897425 was the number. I searched the internet from what state is the area code. Found out it is from Seattle. This is where she studied her barista course. After lunch, when I got to my condo I dialed her number. I took a deep breath, my heart is fast beating. Hope she talks to me.
