We Aren't Nerds! {{PETEKEY}}

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Pete looked at Mikey sadly, "You shouldn't, you know?"
"What do you..." Mikey stuttered, "What do you mean? I love you because you're a good guy, Pete."
"That's only what you think, no one else really thinks that. I'm not that great, really."

Mikey couldn't help but feel a little let down and angry. He'd told Pete he loved him and the only response he could come up with was 'You shouldn't'. It didn't make him feel any differently, but it was annoying.

"Why wouldn't anyone think you're great?" Mikey asked, wondering why Pete felt that way about himself, "You're nice, you're cute and you're pretty smart."
"To you, maybe," Pete sighed, his eyes starting to fill with tears, "but to everyone else... I'm just a nerd, a gay, nerd--"

Pete sounded like he had more to say, and he really did, but his sudden tears and an outburst of emotion cut him off.

"You're perfect, Michael," Pete yelled, tears streaming from his eyes, "you're tall and cute and no-one thinks you're a nerd! People probably don't even realise you're gay!"
"Everyone thinks I'm a nerd, Pete," Mikey said, surprisingly calmly considering the situation, "the only people I can hang out with in school are Ryan, Jon, Spencer and Brendon. They're the biggest nerds my year has to offer."
Pete nodded, "I guess so..."

Mikey wiped a few of Pete's tears before continuing, "Everyone calls me gay, which is meant as a stupid insult rather than an actual thing but... yeah."
"Really?" Pete asked, looking at Mikey with shock, "W-why, though? I don't understand..."
"You don't need to, I mean... They're not wrong, are they?"
Pete laughed weakly, "I guess not. They don't know that, though, do they?"
"I think they're going to."

Mikey and Pete had nothing else to say to each other. They remained seated on Pete's bed, but they kept their eyes on each other, and nothing else. Pete knew Mikey loved him, but Mikey still wasn't certain if Pete really loved him or not. He wanted to believe that, of course, but it was difficult now that he knew about his relationship with Patrick. Mikey didn't doubt for a second that Pete was over it, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.

"You're over Patrick, right?" Mikey asked, hoping it wouldn't be too sensitive for Pete to talk about.
"Like I said," Pete sighed, "I never really saw him as more than a friend. We were both single and stuff happens between really close friends, you know? It wasn't anything."
"Would it be wrong if..." Mikey mumbled, "If I asked you if... You like me?"
Pete shook his head, "It's not wrong of you to ask, but it'd be wrong of me to answer. You deserve so much better than me and--"

Mikey cut Pete off with a look of utter disappointment. It wasn't that Mikey didn't have low self-esteem, he just couldn't stand it in Pete. He didn't see any reason for Pete to doubt himself, so hearing him say things like that made no sense to him. Mikey couldn't help that he was disappointed in Pete for putting himself down like that.

"I don't think we should be anything more than friends," Pete said, "I do really like you, but you'll stop liking me soon, and I don't want to be too close to you when that finally happens."
"That's not going to happen," Mikey said, slightly louder than he'd planned, "If you can actually like me, then I can easily like you. You're great, and just so real. I'm not like that at all."

Pete looked at Mikey, not too sure what that meant. He wasn't really sure if he'd been complimented or not.

"I'm... Real?" he said, questioning the other boy's choice of words, "So... you're not real?"
"You got mad at me, but apologised. If I ever get mad, I keep it inside." Mikey explained, "You're not afraid of letting other people know how you feel, and that's pretty real."
"That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard, Mikeyway," Pete laughed, "I get what you mean, though, and I agree. I'm pretty real, but you are too. You told me you liked me, and that's one of the hardest things ever!"
Mikey shook his head, "It's only hard because you worry that you're going to get rejected. It was easier for me to say because I knew we'd still be friends no matter what."

Pete didn't know if Mikey was right or not, but he was happy that he thought he was. He looked at Mikey and shook his head, but he left it up to the other boy to decide what it meant. It wasn't that he wanted to be confusing, he just didn't know himself, and hoped Mikey might be able to come up with an idea of what it was for himself.

Mikey couldn't, though. He looked at Pete confusedly, also unsure of what it was supposed to mean.

"What do you--" Mikey asked, before being cut off by Pete.
"I don't know, okay?!" Pete yelled, too suddenly and too loudly to get a proper reaction from Mikey.
"Why are you yelling at me?" Mikey asked, trying to be as loud as Pete, but breaking down into tears instead.

Pete didn't mean to yell, and he definitely hadn't meant to make Mikey cry, but he didn't know how to resolve the situation he'd caused. He couldn't even begin to think about a solution, and went into a sudden panic.

Pete didn't mean to do what he did.

Pete didn't mean to kiss Mikey.

But he did.

Mikey stopped crying instantly and tried his best to kiss Pete back, but he couldn't. He knew Pete didn't mean to do it and Mikey knew Pete meant it when he said they shouldn't be more than friends.

Pete pulled away, still in shock, and opened his mouth to apologise, but Mikey started talking instead.

"You were right, you know," Mikey said quietly, with tears beginning to reform in the corners of his eyes, "we really shouldn't be more than friends."
"What do you mean?" Pete asked, afraid that he'd made a terrible mistake.

Mikey didn't know what he meant. He didn't expect Pete to question it, especially considering he'd said it first. He couldn't explain it, he just felt it. While he wanted to be more than friends, he knew they shouldn't be.

"I don't think it would work," Mikey said, trying to explain himself, and lying in the process, "we-- I-- you..."
"What?" Pete said, looking at Mikey sadly, knowing he was trying to come up with reasons off the top of his head.
"I love you... a lot, in fact, and... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I told you, at first, and now you seem to love me back, I'm not so sure."
"S-seriously? You aren't sure? I need you to be sure."

Mikey wasn't, he couldn't be. He loved Pete, but he wasn't sure that he could love Pete if it was mutual. He didn't know what that meant, but it made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to feel uncomfortable in a relationship.

Pete couldn't tell if he was angry or upset. He definitely wasn't happy, though, and that was the main thing. He wanted Mikey to like him back, just like Mikey wanted him to like him back. It all felt really unfair to him.

There was a silence between the two of them, brought on by their awkward feelings towards each other. Mikey never imagined not liking Pete, he thought Pete was wrong when he said he wouldn't like him, but he wasn't. Pete never thought he'd like Mikey just as he stopped liking him, but, he too, was wrong.

"I guess we were both wrong," Pete laughed, breaking the silence, "you thought you'd like me forever, and I didn't think I'd ever like you that much. I just guess... we were wrong, weren't we?"
Mikey nodded, "We were."
"There is one thing though, that I need you to remember for me."
"What?"
"We aren't nerds, okay? We're smart, sure, but I need you to remember that neither of us is a nerd."

Mikey was unsure of what that had to do with anything, but Pete wasn't wrong. In fact, he was right, they were both smart, but neither of them could be called a nerd. That wouldn't stop people, but it helped it their minds.

"We aren't nerds," Mikey repeated, trying to smile, even though he felt like crying.
"We aren't nerds," Pete said, nodding, noticing how unhappy Mikey was.
"You should go back to Patrick, you know? He still likes you and..."
"I can't. I told him I couldn't and it would be unfair on him. He'd ask why, knowing him, and I'd have to tell him. He wouldn't want to be my 'second choice', Mikey."

Mikey nodded, what Pete was saying made perfect sense. He thought about it, and he wouldn't want to be second to anyone either. He was struggling to say he still liked Pete, and he really wasn't sure why. It was upsetting.

Pete wasn't sure why he suddenly liked Mikey, and he really wished he didn't. Not because he didn't actually like him, but because it hurt knowing Mikey didn't like him back anymore. It had to be one of the worst feelings.

There was a silence between them, they just couldn't think of anything to say to each other.

"You know I love you, right?" Mikey said, really hoping Pete knew that.