Steal Your Heart Away

Straight Back

I waited outside Lindsey's door for a long time. He never came. Once home I left a message for Brad's secretary, telling him I wouldn't be over that evening. The tumultuous series of events over the past day had exhausted me and I found myself lying in bed with the curtains closed by 3pm, rolling over to inhale the once-comforting scent of my lover. Karen interrupted my spiralling thoughts, knocking on the door, entering once I's signalled my approval.
"The station just rang. Lindsey hasn't turned up."
"Oh god..."
"Where did he go out earlier? Is he back?"
"He...He left to stay in a hotel."My eyes welled up again.
"What? Why? He seemed happy here."
"He found out that I got engaged to Brad."
"You're engaged to him?!"
"Only since Saturday...I can't go through with it though. Not now."
"I knew you still felt for Lindsey."
"It's more than that Karen...He's...But...I think he's gone for good."
"Like he could ever leave you...Talk to him."
"I tried that."
"Just let him come round." I shrugged miserably, Karen smiling at me sympathetically.
"I'll call Lindsey and make sure he gets to the station. Ashley will be home soon, how about some coffee?"
"How much am I paying you again?" I sniffed, tying my fluffy bed robe and slipping into my slippers.
"Not enough!" She exclaimed playfully, rushing off to the office as I avoided catching my puffy, scarlet face in the mirror as I left the bedroom. I poured some coffee then shut myself up in the home studio. It had primarily been Lindsey's before the accident, as I preferred to pen songs wherever I pleased, with or without my portable electric piano. The complex nature of Lindsey's talents however seemed to justify this hideaway, especially if we were rowing, and it certainly came in useful during recording periods. When he'd first gone with Kristen, I would sit in there for hours, falling asleep on many occasions. I'd look at the pristine guitars, now untouched, wishing that he would just stroll in and start playing like he always had. Once many months had passed I chose to lock the door, only entering if I desperately needed an item from the room, usually getting Karen or Ashley to fetch it if so, afraid of how Lindsey's ghost drained me. Our record collection was kept in their however, & seeking reassurance, I slid out the Buckingham Nicks vinyl, placed it on the turntable, sighing as it our innocence began to blare out of the speakers. I let myself cry over and over again, flushing myself of weakness, readying myself to confront him again.
I could not allow him to walk away from what we had.

You may not be as strong as me
And I may not care to teach you
It may be hard to keep up with me
But I'll always be able to reach you

"Stevie? Why are you lying on the floor?"
I bolted up in shock, pulling the turntable's socket out. "Brad?"
"Don't stop it on my account, it sounded good."
"Thanks, one of ours actually. I was just relaxing."
"Headache? You look like you've been crying babe."
"No, no I'm just tired and stressed out over my new album."
He crouched beside me grinning, kissing me on the lips.
"Where's your ring babe?"
"Oh in the bathroom, I just showered."
"Go put it on, I'm making dinner."
"Oh I...Thank you." He lovingly rubbed my shoulders then left me alone. Walking past the kitchen door I heard him bustling about. I watched myself in the bathroom mirror for a long time, letting the engagement ring fall off the chain into my hands. I rolled it between my fingers. I should tell him everything about Lindsey.
Should I leave him?
Would he leave me?
If not, things would never be the same. Though already it could never be the same again, because my Lindsey was alive, and no one else would do. Before now I'd been able to separate my grief from my relationship with Brad, now it was something that would force itself between us if Lindsey himself didn't soon enough. I slipped the ring back on the chain, placed it in my pocket, and went to find Brad in the kitchen.