Dear No One,
I wish I could hate you.
I wish I could hate you with all that I am, because I wish that I could forget you. Why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me at a time I needed you most? Did you think this would solve anything?
It's solved nothing for any of us. It was an escape for you. But did you even really escape? I don't think you did. I think nothing has changed for you, except maybe hell got hotter.
I love you so much. And now what, am I supposed to have loved you so much? Am I supposed to roll over and take this like a man? Swallow my pride, my feelings, my pain? I can't do that. I can't.
Why did you do this to me? I loved you. I love you. You were my friend. My greatest, closest, and best friend. Did I never tell you that? Did I never say to you, "I love you, you're my best friend. Don't you ever leave me."? I guess I didn't. Or if I did say it, maybe I didn't say it enough.
You certainly didn't feel tied to me. You didn't feel attached, you didn't feel loved by or love for me, you didn't care enough to stay.
Instead, you abandoned me. And if there's anything I hate about you, it's that.
Why didn't you ever tell me you had problems? I knew you had problems, but I had always assumed you could deal with them. You should have told me what you felt.
You shocked me when you left. I hadn't expected. It was the last thing on my mind.
But it was your only option, wasn't it? You felt that leaving me was your only option. Leaving all of us, I guess, not just me. But, damn it! It wasn't the only option!
Why couldn't you tell me anything? Why not just fucking tell me what was going on?
Leaving wasn't the only option.
Why did you have to go?
I guess I leaned on you too much? Did I overload you with my own problems that you couldn't even handle your own--so you just had to go?
I never thought you'd leave me. Never. I always that it'd be me that left you.
I guess I'm selfish. I don't really know if your departure is a good thing for you or not, but it's hell for me. I'm so dark now. I thought I could stay better, but you've...damaged my soul. Why the fuck did you do this? Why?
I am selfish. Because I want you back. I don't want to go on without you. I need you, okay? We both know I'm reserved about a lot, and I hate saying how I need someone. But I need you. I need you with everything that I am. You're my best fucking friend, even if I never told you enough.
I loved you. I tried so hard with you. I loved you, you were family.
Please, just why? Will I ever understand? I don't think I will.
It's my fault, I know it is. I was an awful friend. I sucked. I still suck. I'm a fucking fucked up person, aren't I? It's my fault.
I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I didn't know.
I didn't know at all.
Why couldn't you have stayed?
I'm all alone now.
--me
