Lost Boy (Tronnor)

2

'Did you hear it on the radio, did you turn it up?' - Suburbia

I open my eyes and am blinded by a bright white light. Where am I? Am I gone? I blink again, and then suddenly something is in my face, blocking the light. What's happening?

Then, out of nowhere, someone starts speaking, I assume they're speaking to me. I don't know, I don't know anything anymore, "Troye, are you awake?" she asks.

Who is she? Where am I? So many questions run through my mind, "Hun, how are you, are you feeling okay? I know it's confusing right now." she pauses and looks at me, trying to figure out how I'm reacting. I show nothing.

"Well Troye, if you need anything, just call for me." she says and walks down the ward to someone else. I don't call for her, like I want to, I lie motionless, crying silent tears. Why aren't i dead? Why didn't it work? I don't want to be here, i feel sick, sick of myself.

I lie there for hours, non-moving, corpse like. They try to talk to me, try to get me to talk. I ignore everyone. I know they can all see my red, bloodshot eyes from crying. I want to disappear. Slowly, i start to feel pain, all over my body. A red, fiery pain.

It's night now, and I can't contain it anymore. Suddenly I'm sobbing uncontrollably, I can't breathe. Loud, ragged rasps escape my mouth, "Why didn't I die? Why aren't I gone? I don't want to be alive? KILL ME!" I scream at the top of my lungs,

I hear running, people I don't know stand around me, all asking what's wrong. But I'm done, I have nothing left, empty. Saying nothing, I close my eyes and try to block them all out. I hear one say 'Give him more meds, calm him down. We can't have him wake up everyone else here.'

I'm done. I don't stop them from drugging me, sending me into a dreamless sleep. I need it. I need nothing, and everything.