Breaking (Rilaya)

Chapter 1: Hopelessness

Maya

I don't know when it started, this feeling of hopelessness.

I wish I could figure out why I'm actually here.

Why I'm even living.

My mom comes home every day at 1:00 am in the morning, from her job. She struggles to make money to support us. I always feel so guilty, to even be alive. I go to school everyday, while she has to work like a dog for so many hours.

"Maya it's time to wake up!" I hear her yell. "Get up, I have to got to work, in 2 minutes!"

Here we go again. Another struggle to pretend to be happy in front of people, when I'm really not.

"Ugh. Okay, Mom!"

"Don't give me that look, Maya," she scolds.

"You have to go to school to get a better education than what I had."

My mom is always saying things like that. She doesn't know it, but she always makes me feel so bad. I'm getting a better education, than she did. I'm the reason that she has to go to work for such a long time. I sometimes imagine that if she never had me, then she could have a better job than what she has now.

I get out of bed, and I put my favorite outfit on, hoping that today will be a better day than yesterday was. Yesterday was my birthday, and she forgot. I know that she had to work late, but it still hurt at the time.

"Goodbye, Mom!" I call.

"Bye, sweetie. Have a good day!" Like that's going to ever happen.

No one even likes me at school, except maybe Riley. Lucas and Farkle just act nice to me, because they feel bad for me. It's embarrassing to me, for people to know that my Mom's a waitress. Since everyone else's parents are like lawyers and teachers.

I wish I could skip school, but then Riley would worry about me. So, I walk out of my mom's apartment, to Riley's apartment. Their apartment is much nicer than my mom's. Probably since they are more wealthy than me and my mom. I ring the door bell, and wait for someone to open it. I always have felt like such a bother, that I'm Riley's friend. She could have a much better best friend, than me.

"Hey, Maya,"Riley says.

"Hi," I say. Wow, I am so awkward, I mentally scold myself. Gosh. I suddenly wish I wasn't here.

"Well, don't just stand there, come inside," she invites.

"You're just in time for breakfast!" I look at Riley, as if she knows something was wrong with me.

"Okay," I stutter. "Um, uh--thanks." Wow, I am so stupid, I think. I walk into Riley's apartment, hoping to at least seem normal, and happy.

This is going to be difficult, to say the least, I think. I smile, as if everything's okay.