Kim Kardashian: #BreakTheGame (COMPLETE)

Chapter 37: When A Banana Is A Key

There was kind of a brief, quiet moment where all the men just stood around, like, Are we really seeing what it looks like we're seeing? Did a tiny monkey just emerge from the wall and start biting our friend's face off? And then the group of men all seemed to come to a general consensus that Yes! that was in fact what was happening, and maybe they shouldn't just be, like, standing around watching? And as the first man fell to the ground and Tiny Monkey leaped snarling onto the face of the next nearest men, the spell broke and the men all rushed forward with bloodthirsty screams, to attack.

Tiny Monkey was like a ricocheting bullet, leaping from the head of one man to the back of another and then caroming off a wall to swipe his claws against the face of a third. He left a trail of bodies in his wake, each one falling as soon as he reached it.

Another group of men broke off from the main pack and surrounded Kim. All Kim could see was angry glares and bared teeth and plaid and unfortunate facial hair everywhere she looked. She was kicking and punching every crotch within reach but it was only a matter of time before their numbers overwhelmed her. She smashed a vaguely Ryan Reynolds-y looking guy in the nose and felt slightly bad about it. Then she gave a swift roundhouse kick in the neck to a weirdly skinny ginger Tyler Oakley.

But while she was distracted with him a man had come up behind her and before she could do anything his burly, plaid-covered arms were around her and he had her tight. He began dragging her, kicking and screaming, towards the door, towards the wedding ceremony.

"Tiny Monkey!" Kim screamed. "There's a barrier on the door and I need it opened!" She nodded in the direction of the storage room at the back of the lab. "Like now, right now right now!"

Tiny Ghost Monkey took a quick glance to see the door Kim meant, turned back to the man he was beating up and swiped him viciously across the face, then leapt up, hurled his tiny banana expertly in the direction of the door, and then landed on the back of another man and continued his attack.

While the banana was traveling through the air it transformed into what looked to Kim like a tiny yellow bomb. Tiny Monkey's aim was true and the banana bomb landed squarely, affixing itself to the center of the door.

For a moment nothing happened, and the man had almost wrestled Kim outside despite her struggling to break his grasp, and then there was a loud explosion and banana pulp splattering everywhere around the room. Luckily not in Kim's hair though. When the banana-scented smoke cleared the storage room door was all askew and barely hanging on to one hinge.

"YES!" Kim hissed.

She slammed her heel down firmly on the toe of the man who was holding her, which surprised him enough to loosen his grip, enough for her to get an arm free and quickly elbow the man in his stupid handsome face. He stumbled back and Kim kicked him in the chest, throwing him back and clearing some space around her as he took out 3 other men in his fall.

Kim turned and stretched her arm out towards the storage room, and her phone, her beautiful phone, immediately came rocketing out and landed, perfectly and beautifully, in her hand.

She swiped the Gust of Wind emoji and a dozen men were all blown back away from her, opening up the space around her.

Kim took a fraction of a second to breathe and appreciate this moment. There is literally nothing like having your phone back in your hand after a long absence. She held her phone up to her face and kissed its screen. "I am never letting you out of my sight again," she promised.

More men were arriving, rushing into the lab in endless waves. Tiny Ghost Monkey was unstoppable and untiring, attacking man after man to defend Kim, always leaping just out of reach, hanging from the lights, bouncing across the room atop the heads of 5 men, quickly raking his claws agains a man's neck and then jumping up out of reach to attack the next man.