Four Years

Chapter 10 (Jace, Part I)

I once read somewhere, "in order to bring about love, I have come to believe that the universe has planned even the wing-beat of a butterfly... this miraculous inevitability, that I was able to stand in front of you, was something I didn't want to twist into mere coincidence."

I always wondered that was love such a thing that could be shaped into a destiny by the universe? Maybe love was a mighty force that consumed everything that came in its way; maybe to understand love, we needed to pass through it first.

I guess I finally realized what exactly it meant when the wings of the most beautiful butterflies beat and sweep the most gentle breeze over you. It was in the freshmen year of high school when I saw Alyssa Dion for the first time. Back then I was a really shy kid who would have heart attack at the idea of trying to make new friends himself, so I didn't let myself dwell on her.

She was a cute girl, sweet nature and everything but not for me, I chanted to myself like a mantra.

But it was ultimately in sophomore year that I couldn't deny the obvious crush I had inevitably developed on her. She was in a lot of my classes and that in itself did not help the case any better. We didn't run in the same circles, and my private, closed–off nature didn't allow me to just swoop in like a confident guy and charm her.

On the brighter side of things, I had a loyal best friend by my side who understood my situation and state of mind, but was considerate enough to never push me into something I wouldn't be comfortable in. Kevin was not always the brighter crayon in the bunch, though. While he didn't force me to talk to my long–time crush, he definitely didn't step back to find me dates every now and then.

Ever tried going on a date with a girl who didn't understand the concept of personal space?

After a couple of experiences like those, I had enough at last and decided that this was not the way to go. If I were doomed to never get Alyssa to notice me, then so be it.

Junior year was hard because I was now sixteen, and somewhat sensitive to these foreign whispers of love that slowly started overlapping my crush. It was jarring; was I falling in love with a person I didn't even know anything about to begin with? The depth of my circumstances hit me like a ton of steel: was this what everyone feared and still yearned subconsciously? Was I turning into a masochist? Because for a guy like me, for whom interactions with new people wasn't as effortless as for the normal people, falling in love with a girl who's much more out-going and lively would be an impending disaster.

All of the junior year and half of senior year I tried to suppress my feelings as much as I could for them to not grow anymore than they've already expanded. Maybe I would've been successful in suppressing this so–called love if it weren't from what happened a few days ago.

When Shelley Irons came to Kevin with a direct invite to her table, Kevin decided that this was my final chance. He claimed that since we did not know what exactly was her intention behind inviting him to her table, we might as well make good use of a good opportunity and help my case. Truthfully, after constant reassurances by my best friend, I was slowly beginning to hope for something wishful to happen.

And then came the plot twist.

"Jace I think you're really cute, would you go out with me on a date?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, my internals were stormed with strong an emotion, I almost lost control on myself. So this was what she wanted from Kevin?

But my heart twisted even more when Alyssa said, "Uh, I think you would make a cool couple?"

I had never felt such pain from loving someone. I wasn't going to blame her for unknowingly hurting me, but the agony her words brought to me wasn't soothed by those thoughts. Well, it was sort of my fault for whatever was happening with me because I never really built myself up to be able to express my emotions upfront to someone.

I had then stared at her with my heart aching in my chest and somehow managed to form words through the situation. "Absolutely not."

Later when Alyssa and her friends had cornered me at the school entrance, I hadn't known how to escape from this terrible circumstances. I wanted love, but not from someone who was the best friend of the girl I was in love with. If this was God's way of playing a prank on me, it was so not funny.

In all of this, Savannah came into the play as a literal angel. She suggested for the set up of a double date, and while that wasn't any great help in getting me the girl I liked, it sure was a way in which I could either get close to her or get over her.

Then came the day of the date.

I chose the ice-cream parlor for the date because I needed something to help me get through this, and what was better than ice-cream, right? I had arrived early to look at all the flavors and appease my vision.

Alyssa had warmed my being that day as she told me how much she loved ice-creams as well. We both had been so enthralled in our discussion of flavors, we hadn't even noticed how the distance between our bodies had decreased until I was leaning over her and she was standing against the glass partition.

"Wow, you guys are having a nice bonding experience which I'm very happy to see."

If it wasn't for Shelley, we wouldn't even have realized the lack of space. She broke us from the moment and just like that the moment was over. I knew neither of the girls noticed me stealing glances at a certain brown-haired girl with a devastatingly adorable smile. It was perhaps for the best that they didn't because I wasn't about to explain what exactly was going on with my mind. God knew I simply wouldn't be able to.

a/n: The lines quoted in italics at the start of the chapter are taken from a K-Drama called 'Bride of HaBaek' which I would definitely recommend to watch! : )