A Love Junkie's Guide To Self-recovery (A Girl's Guidebook #3)

Tip No. 1 - Stop Running And Face Reality

October 30, 2017

It had been three years since my life turned into a big pile of cow shit. Nagpakalayo-layo ako para kalimutan ang mga nangyari at akala ko I have gotten over everything. Pero, ngayon na nakatayo ako sa labas ng Bonne View Condominium, nalaman ko na hindi pa rin ako completely okay. May malaking hole pa rin sa dibdib ko and I was still hurting deeply.

Hindi pa ako ready na harapin sila, ang mga kaibigan ko, pero I had to since one of them was getting married. Nang nag-email siya sa akin two months ago na gusto niya akong gawing bridesmaid sa kasal niya, I told her I was going. It was the least I could do for her dahil wala ako noong panahon na kailangan niya ako. I had issues to deal with then and I wasn't dealing with them well.

Binabagabag pa rin ako ng issues na iyon hanggang ngayon but I knew I had to keep it together, at least for two weeks, habang nasa Pilipinas ako. Babalik din naman agad ako sa States pero kailangan ko pa rin ipakita sa lahat na what they were seeing was a new me - Clarissa Anne Torres version two-point-o.

In a way, marami naman talaga ang naging pagbabago sa akin. I just wasn't sure if it was all for the better.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago ako pumasok ng condo. Relief washed over me nang wala akong nakitang kakilala habang papunta ako sa elevator at nabuo bigla ang kagustuhan ko na bumalik na lang sa airport at mag-book ng flight pauwi. I didn't consider this place as my home anymore and I was pretty sure na hindi na rin family ang tingin namin sa isa't-isa ng mga iniwan ko dito.

Still, pinindot ko ang eighteen sa panel ng elevator instead of fifteen. Might as well get it over with, ang sabi ko sa sarili ko. It's not like may kawala pa 'ko.

Nang narating ko na ang eighteenth floor at nilakad na ang maliit na distance sa pagitan ng elevator at ng unit na pupuntahan ko, nahuli ko ang sarili ko na nagwa-wonder kung ano kaya ang nangyari kung hindi ako umalis.

Mas magiging madali ba ang lahat kung sinubukan ko na ayusin dito ang problema ko? Masisira pa rin ba ang mga bagay na iningatan ko all these years kung nag-stay ako?

Bago pa ako magsimulang mag-regret sa hindi magagandang decisions na nagawa ko at sa mga bagay na nawala ko, kumatok na ako sa pinto. Ilang seconds lang ang dumaan bago ito bumukas at nagulat na lang ako nang nakita ang isang babae na hindi ko kilala sa kabilang side nito.

She was sort of pretty with white-rimmed glasses on at buhok na may pink highlights na nakataas in a tight bun. She was not wearing slutty clothes pero kahit ako na isang heterosexual female would admit that she was hot.

Tiningnan ko ang unit number na naka-post sa gilid ng pinto at naramdaman ko ang pagkunot ng noo ko nang nakita na tama naman ang pinuntahan ko. Sa pagkakaalam ko, sinasabi sa akin ng source ko kung may major stuff na nangyayari sa buhay ng mga kaibigan ko. May mga bagay ba na hindi niya nabanggit?

Who was this chick and what was she doing here? Lumipat na ba si Nathan? Did he and Mads break up?

No, that couldn't be it. Last time I checked, they were still very much together. After everything that they had been through, I heard na mahal pa rin nila ang isa't-isa.

But then, hindi mapagkakatiwalaan ang source ko dahil masyado siyang biased. I could tell na may tinatago siya pero hindi ko nga lang siya mapilit na sabihin ito sa akin.

Was this it, then? Was he hiding the fact that one of his best friends was cheating on one of my best friends?

Shit, this is big. I'm so going to punch that womanizing dick in the face. Right after I punch his friend, the cheating bastard. Tingnan na lang natin kung hindi mabubura ang good looks nila na masyado nilang pinagmamalaki.

"Sino po sila?" ang tanong ng babaeng homewrecker sa akin.

I was going to tell her that I was her worst nightmare pero biglang lumaki ang bukas ng pinto at nagpakita na rin sa wakas ang may-ari ng unit without his blue hair but still with the ear peircings na mukhang nadagdapan pa.

I was suddenly blinded with fury at hindi ko na napigilan ang pangangati ng kamay ko. So, I did the only thing I could do. I attacked.