kik ➵ camren

twenty three

[trigger warning for  anxiety/insecurity/self deprecating type of scene idk if i needed one but better be safe than sorry :)]

camila: i guess the tables have turned a bit

lauren: no camz

lauren: do you really feel like that?

camila: sometimes 

lauren: :(

camila: ive had anxiety problems in the past and this tour is kind of stressful and making it all worse

lauren: babyyy

camila: no lauren

camila: i dont want you to baby me i want you to know what life is like on a daily basis for me

lauren: then tell me what its like

12:14 pm

camila sometimes i want to sleep for multiple days straight and just avoid everything

camila: but i cant because of my job

camila: i have to attend shows and concerts to be a role model

camila: sometimes i want to delete every fucking social media site because of the drama and the comments and fucking everything

camila: but i cant because i have to maintain an image

camila: sometimes i dont want to go to our own m&g's because our own fans hate me so much

camila: but i dont have a choice because im in the band and i cant avoid everything

camila: ive never let management give me credit on songs ive written for our albums because im too afraid of the criticism

camila: i try to avoid talking in interviews for the most part in case i say something that people will take out of hand

camila: i dont want to go out in public because im afraid of the attention

camila: i dont stand up for myself when management tells me to act or dress a certain way because itll be better for our image

camila: i dont look at my mentions anymore

camila: i have more followers than the other girls but what the fuck can i do about it

camila: i dont know

camila:i just have a lot of anxiety problems and i dont have the time to actually deal with them or get any help

camila: im sorry, i didnt mean to say much but it was nice to finally say something 

camila: i have no idea how id respond to this if i were in your position so if you want you can just ignore it if thats what makes you comfortable

camila: sorry

2:12 pm

lauren: no its completely okay

lauren: i never wouldve thought you felt like this if you didn't say it

lauren: you just seem to literally radiate happiness all the time i'd never expect you to feel like that about all of this

lauren: is this about the song with shawn and how fans reacted or is there more to it?

camila: yeah, i wish i never went to that concert in the first place now

camila: ppl are also trying to hack me

camila: but like im struggling w accepting my sexuality throughout all of this

camila: so the amount of shit going on in my head is insane

lauren: thats understandable

lauren: have the hackers leaked anything legit?

camila: idk im trying to stay off twitter

camila: i dont want to know what everyones saying about me

lauren: okay, do you want to talk about it?

lauren: ill always be here for you so feel free to blow up my phone at 2am if you wanna vent or need someone to talk to

camila: thank you

camila: thank you for being such a good friend 

lauren: thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all of this

lauren: but seriously, if you never want to mention this stuff again thats cool but if you want to vent or just talk anytime text me okay?

lauren: also, i had a counselor for a time awhile back and he was really helpful, so if you ever want contact info lemme know

camila: alright i will, thank you

camila: ive gotta go tho, interviews and such

camila: so cyaa

lauren: cya camz 

***

a/n: so i wasnt gonna post this bc of all the drama going on w c getting hacked and all etc etc, but i had this written a while back so it was never my intention to hype up all this drama. if updates are slower its bc im sick of the drama going on in this fandom, i dont wanna update if im not 100% happy w what id be putting out there, just dont wanna disappoint u guys :))

on a better note !!! this is like 214 in fanfiction??? 40k reads??? 2k votes??? what am i doing??? thank u guys so much holyy shit yall are so cool