Dearest Diary

Make-up Break-up

Nat,

So...Nazz pulled me aside today.

It was kinda awkward, you know? I still feel like shit for what I did, and she was still pissed. Yeah, I know she said she's not, but I know her pretty well, and she's just hiding it. Still, I know she meant it when she said she forgave me, so...I guess that's a thing.

Then she started talking about Double D.

Ugh...how much did you tell her, dude? Whatever...it's not like she was mad. Actually think she was...I dunno, intrigued? To use an Edd word, haha. She...kinda made me promise her I'd ask him out. Well, she might have kinda grabbed my arm and wrestled it 'til I agreed cuz that's just, you know, Nazz.

I'm...glad though. It's been eating me up, the shit I did to hurt her. I love her, just...you know. I know, I've said it a lot. I just...ugh.

But yeah...kinda just thinkin' now, man.

Like, at this point? I know Double D is interested. Like, he admitted it to me, how the fuck could I not know. How could he not know how much I dig him? Seriously. He's so fucking smart but it's like he doesn't know I'm pretty much fucking obsessed with him. Goddamn, man, he's got me in a fucking bind. And I kinda like it.

But, like, how do I ask him out, dude? I can't just fuckin' drop the line out of nowhere. Ugh! Why does he have to be so damn smart. I'd just make a fool of myself.

Should I, like...write him something? Plan another date? What should I do, man? I need to know how to do this, even if it's the simplest damn thing in the world, cuz, well...

Nazz kinda reminded me today as well that I could lose him. I mean...even if I don't think it could happen. It could. Who the fuck knows, shit happens all the time. He could head off to college tomorrow with how damn smart he is, and I'd never see him again, cuz it's not like he has a cell phone. I'm just some guy in his life. Maybe he just thinks he is a rebound and like...

I just gotta know. I really gotta do something. Ughhh, I don't want anyone at school finding out though. I mean, fuck what anyone thinks of -me- at this point, they can eat my fucking fist if they wanna say shit about me. But I don't want that shit falling on Edd. I know what they do to people, dude...I mean, you told me what happens. I've seen it, too, and it's BS.

He's not as strong as you, Nat. Not physically. And no one's fucking strong enough for that shit mentally, no matter how smart they are...

I gotta think about this. I want him. I do, dude. I want him bad, and yeah, I want him in that way too, but like...I just want things to work out. And I don't want bullshit people to fuck it up.

Nat...I need to go to bed. I've been thinking about this all fucking night. Actually, since Nazz talked to me at school, I've been thinking about it. 'Bumping into' Edd at school just reminded me that I really, really don't want anything bad happening like what happened to you. I know...I'm fucking late to think of everything. But I guess it never really clicked until now that he's the one in danger, not my stupid reputation.

Help me out, man. I just...I like him too much. How do I make this work out?

Reply soon, dude.

Kev

It seems a few people aren't sure why they haven't hooked up yet. This is Kevin's side. For Edd's side, well...he knows they are more than just friends, hence he says 'friends'. But they're not official. And Edd's not gonna assume. I went on a whole ramble on tumblr, but didn't include Kevin's concerns in this chapter in it. I've been in a lot of relationships, of pretty much every flavor available, and sweet things don't cement a relationship in any way. I've had the starlit night followed by never talking again after the next day. Edd isn't stupid, he is loving this, but he's a pessimist with a hopeful side. Just be patient. And by the way, if you comment as a Guest, I can't respond to you...so if you have a question, an observation, I can't reply to you as such. So make an account, if only for a reply, if you want one :) Hope you enjoyed.

This was another 'necessary' chapter. I'm hoping to get back to fluff soon. We'll just see how it all plays out.