Enemies with benefits

Guilt and other reflexes

Jade POV

You know those mornings when you wake up and just forget why yesterday sucked. For a blissful minutes you are so happy that you feel like you’re floating, when I woke up this was the feeling I had, al be it for only a fleeting moment. Because then you remember why your life sucks and can’t think of anything better than burrowing under your duvet and hope the problem goes away.

Well kids I’ll let you in on a special secret, the problem never goes away, nope that would be too simple, it just gets bigger and bigger until its so big that you can’t hack carrying it around on your own anymore, so you just blurt it out to the nearest person. When I say the nearest person, we all know that I’m talking about your best friend.

Problem though is that this secret I can’t tell my best friend because if I do, it will most likely end our friendship. Unfortunately my secret is bound to get out eventually because I’m one of those unfortunate people that get guilty over everything.

So now I’m sitting here in my bedroom playing the tell her, not to tell her game with a dozen wilted flowers that were living on my window sill.

So should I tell my best friend that I slept with her brother? Well if we are going by the best friend code (always tell the truth) then the simple answer is yes I should tell her but in reality did I have the guts to do that. Well no and it sucked.

So instead I guess I should just try and get on with my life. The only problem is why can’t I get past this, this kind of thing always happens to people, well maybe not always but it’s not un common to have one night stands. I guess it’s a bit different if you going to see them every day but still its Matt, he’s a douche, a hot douche but a douche. You see that right there is what I’m confused about not once in my 16 years of my existence have I considered Matt hot so what’s changed. Sleeping with him is not that big of a deal. (Liar) Who am I kidding it is and now I’m just wallowing in the memories or lack of because I’ve come to the conclusion the reason that I’m so hung up on this is because I can’t even remember what happened. That’s normal right to be confused because you can’t remember how it even happened.

The only problem is to find out what happened would involve going near Matt and actually having a civil conversation with him. 1. I’m not sure if we can converse without arguing and 2. Every time I go near him I want to throw up. That right there is definitely not the usual response to having slept with someone (not that I’d no but oh well).

So despite the throw up reflex I seem to have adopted whenever I see Matt, I think I’m going to have to talk to him, just to end my own mines insanity. Once and for all.

Or so I hope.