Route 262

~5~

James drives us to a turnoff on a quiet section of Route 262; it overlooks a cliff and a few mountains in the distance. I recognize this curve as "Dead Man's Curve" - before the guard rail was put in a decade or so ago, it was infamous for the many car accidents which took place after cars didn't make the turn quick enough. It's extremely isolated, but I can't say I'm surprised that James has brought me here to talk - it's the perfect place, albeit a little creepy. 

He doesn't say anything at first, just staring off into the distance of the mountains and the view of the town below. 

"Why me?" I eventually say, and he turns, as if surprised to hear my voice in his car. When he doesn't respond, I say "I mean, why are you talking to me of all people? Not like I mind or anything but - I mean - you have a million friends - I don't get it." 

James is shaking his head though. "I guess - I don't know you well at all. There's just something so non-judgmental about you - you seemed like the right person." 

There's a long pause, before he says "And there's something off about everyone at school, you know - it's like they're so caught up in their own lives they wouldn't be able to listen to mine. I just needed some..." 

"Perspective," I finish. "I got that the first time you talked about it." 

He shrugs. His eyes flicker back and forth over the cold November sky; the stars are beginning to come out, although it's barely 5:00. 

"I don't know," he says at last. "Not many people know this - but I struggle with depression. Like my entire life just feels... flat. Like there's nothing good in it. And like I know maybe you shouldn't be the person I'm unloading this onto - but I needed someone, and, well, it's like I told you." 

I nod. "But like, with all due respect, don't you have a lot of good stuff in your life? Not to invalidate that or anything but like - you have a good life." 

He shrugs, and it's like I said nothing at all. 

"How's it going with Sydney?" I ask, because I'm really not sure what else I can say. 

He grimaces. "Honestly - I wish I was dating someone else." 

"Why don't you date them?" I say. "Honestly James - you could get anyone you wanted to. I don't see why you'd stick with Sydney if you don't want to." 

"I don't know," James says. "I guess - you know, you're really lucky, Dante." 

"Me?" I'm in disbelief. "I got 4 hours of sleep last night, I cry at least once a week, your girlfriend tried to get me to 'renounce my ways' today - believe me, I'm not lucky," 

James laughs a little bit. "It's not that - it's just - you're so brave. And free." 

"What do you mean?" 

There's no answer; James is looking out the window again. The car is off, and I can feel the cold creeping in. I clutch the sleeves of my jacket a little tighter. 

After awhile, he says "Do you ever just wish you could get away? Like - like you could just forget about your life, start all over again, reinvent yourself..." He trails off. 

"I - I - I -" I stutter. 

But it doesn't matter, because his eyes have grown dim, and he's starting up the car again, and we're back on Route 262, driving the road to take me home.