Bumpy Road

Chapter 16

Kathy's POV:

The festival went on into the night. Everyone was dancing and celebrating while we were hidden behind a tree kissing.

It was a small warm kiss. I never knew a kiss so innocent could be so intimate and electrifying.

It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words could never be. His hand rested below my ear, and his thumb caressed my cheek. He pulled me closer and deepened the kiss, becoming more passionate and demanding with it. His lips were so warm, and the touch of his lips was softer than I could have ever imagined.

The world slowly disappeared around us, along with all of our worries, our troubles, and our problems. He made me feel like none of that mattered. It was only me and Jesse. This felt true. This felt good. This felt right.

Sadly, a few minutes later, I had to pull away because I remembered I was in reality, and I had to talk to Jesse about us.

"Jesse."

"Kathy."

My heart fluttered at his voice. Never before has my name ever sounded so wonderful.

He looked at me, his eyes glistening in the darkness, and he asked, "Are you okay?"

I looked away from his gaze.

What do I say? How do I start talking about this subject? It feels extremely awkward to talk about, and I feel worried sick about the outcome. The outcome could be a happy ending or a sad ending, but I don't know how these two outcomes can happen. Why would I be happy, or why would I be sad?

His hand reached under my hair below my ear, and his thumb caressed my cheek, and he asked, "What's wrong?"

I shyly look back at him and see the worried expression on his face.

I had to ask him now.

I felt something inside of me pushing me to be brave. I took a deep breath and said, "Why do we kiss?"

I never had this kind of bravery before. I felt proud of myself.

I looked at his expression, and he looked shocked for a moment until my words registered to him. That's when he removed his hand from my cheek and rubbed the back of his neck. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you kiss me?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I asked first."

"I— Because..."

I saw how lost he was. I clasped my hands on each side of his face and looked into his eyes and asked, "Why did you kiss me?"

Jesse stared back into my eyes and didn't say anything for a moment. He opened his mouth and said, "Because..."

"Because...?" I said.

"Because I... think you're a good kisser..."

My heart sunk in the pit of my stomach.

"Is that all?"

"Yeah..."

I couldn't find my voice to reply back. My heart pounded in my throat, and my stomach was heavy.

Why do his words hurt more than they should? I shouldn't be hurt by this outcome. Shouldn't this be my happy outcome? If so, why do I feel like this is my sad outcome?

I let my hands fall to my side, and I took a step back from him. I looked away, avoiding his gaze.

I can feel my heart pounding, and my throat closing up. I felt like I was going to cry. Why do I want to cry? Why is this outcome so upsetting? Why do I have these feelings?

"Why did you kiss me?" Jesse asked.

This was an easy question to answer.

"Because I think you're a good kisser."

I turned around and left. I felt myself needing to get away from him as quickly as possible. I started out walking, but my footsteps increased their speed, and now I was running away from the festival.

I found an empty stall and sat behind it where no one could see me.

A single tear slid down from my eye, followed by another one and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed down my cheeks. I broke down. The sobs were getting louder, and my cheeks felt soaking wet. I pressed my forehead against my knees and hid my face and continued to cry.

Whenever I feel sad, it never starts in my eyes. It begins as a feeling in my chest and as saddening thoughts in my brain, and that was the thing. I didn't know why I was feeling sad. It was as if I didn't want Jesse to say those words. It was because I wanted him to say he likes me like the way I like him.

How do I like him?

I like him because whenever he holds my hand, I feel happy. I like him because whenever he smiles gently at me, my heart feels like it's about to burst. I like him because whenever I think about him, my stomach fills up with butterflies. I like him because it's in the same way I would feel for a crush.