Feelings

Been Awhile

Hey there. So, Its been awhile since I was in here. Where to even Start? Well, with my time being gone, something terrible happened. A lot of screaming and yelling went on for a week at the most. A lot of tears. But, before I get to the depressing stuff, I'll start with the more positive things that happened all the drama.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but I met a new, amazing, best friend over the summer. And she's Bi sexual. And I support her. she was the only person that would actually hang out with me and talk to. She also lives right next to me, which is good. She is just simply awesome! 

And then we both started working at a Haunted House in October. Man, that was fun. And while I was working there, I met a special someone that is now kinda a big part of my life. His Name is Jordan and we've been together for two months and about a week now. I freaking love him and I can tell that he's the one for me. Have you ever heard of that kind of relationship that you're like a couple. you guys also act like best friends. with playing around and joking? That's the kind of relationship we have. My life has honestly been a lot better since he's been in it. I'm not as unhappy or depressed as I was before. He makes me smile even when I don't want to. He brings out the best in me. I honestly want this to last forever. 

But Eventually you always have that one rough chapter in a book that you have to get through. About a month ago, I had a mental break down. My parents kept screaming and yelling at me for no reason. And I just kept all my anger in. It seemed like they were attacking everyone around them. My Best friend, that is Bi, bought me a rose the same night to comfort me because of my mental breakdown. And I went to the store with her and her mom and that;s when she bought me it. And then after i got home, I went to my boyfriend's house. well, I left the rose at home cause I didn't want it to get ruined. well, the next day, my parents went somewhere and i was left at home alone. And that's usually when my best friend comes over, because we live at a motel and the rooms are small. And usually when she comes over, we usually just jam out to music on you tube on my play station 3 and talk. Well, I don't know what made her look in our garbage can, but she did, and she found the rose that she bought me in there...

My mom cut off the peddles and threw it away. Because since she's bi, and since she bought me a red rose, my mom thought that she was "in love with me" knowing that my best friend was dating somebody else. My mom thought it was wrong that another girl bought me a rose. Which is really messed up. Because I know that she doesn't like me in that way. And so because of that rose incident, my mom wouldn't allow me to hang out with her anymore. For basically no reason at all. And it hurt me, knowing that my best friend felt like she didn't belong in this world just because she was bi. And it also hurt me that my mom didn't want me to have any friends because she didn't when she was growing up. She didn't say that herself, but that's how it felt. Like, she didn't have a very good child hood, so that means that i can't have a good child hood. Or, in this case a teenage hood. I don't know if that's a thing, but it is now. But, after crying almost every night, and not being able to sleep, and wanting to stay away from home permanently, and blocking everyone out, my mom finally let me hang out with her again.

So, right now, everything's okay. I guess. I mean I still get screamed at now and then, but besides that its all good. Besides, I have my best friend and my boyfriend by my side to help me through all the drama. I honestly don't kn ow what I would do without them in my life. I would probably be dead right now. I wouldn't be sitting om the other side of a computer typing this if they weren't here. I love them both to death. I'm just afraid of one thing though, I'm afraid that my best friend, will just get bored of me one day and end up leaving me behind, like everyone else has.