detachment ✔

24

I've never been so anxious to call someone before, but I know that I have to do this. I have to help Dylan get out of this mess that has been a burden to him for years. I take a deep breath before calling the number, trying to keep my nerves down. Tyler picks up on the third ring, and the moment he picks up, I suck in a breath.

"Shana?" he asks in a surprised tone.

"Hey." I say, looking around the room nervously. Felix has gone off to work and I've been left at home for the night, trying to wrap my head around this.

"What the hell happened? I mean- how are you?"

"I'm fine." I reply.

"Okay, that's good. Look, I still care about you, Shana." he says, his words rushed. I can tell he's nervous to hear from me again after that night in his apartment (not Dylan's, I guess) which doesn't surprise me.

"Tyler... I need to ask you a favour."

***

Dylan

I'm praying to every single God out there that she won't break after this. Because if she does, I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for it. If she breaks, I will be the reason why she worsened, and the reason for her downfall. I'd do anything to not hurt her, to keep her safe from all of this, but I know I can't. This pain I will inflict on her is inevitable, and we both know that. The elevator doors finally open, and I walk down the corridor to our flat, the one we bought together. With sweaty, shaky hands, I unlock the door, sucking in a breath when I see her. She's lying down on the couch, her phone in her hands as she occasionally glances over at the TV. She immediately looks at me when I enter the flat, her blue eyes shining. Dark makeup frames her light eyes, highlighting their sadness.

I close the door behind me, and I hear her light footsteps on the ground before she envelopes me into a hug. It's been two weeks since I came here, because I've been staying in Tyler's flat to be closer to Tessa. I back away from the hug, meeting her broken blue eyes that are puffy from the tears. She's been crying because of me, because I told her I needed a break.

That's exactly what's been happening since I moved here with her. We'd fight because we'd be growing distant, I would walk away for a week and regain my steps when I came back. Then the cycle would repeat endlessly.

"We need to talk." I say, taking some steps away from her. I leave my coat on one of the chairs in the kitchen before meeting her blue eyes. I'm sure anyone who saw her would think she looks beautiful, because she is. Her light blonde hair is held in a messy bun, a few curls falling to her shoulders. I'm a monster for doing this. For ruining someone like this and for keeping my feelings about our relationship in the black.

"We can talk. I have something to say too." she says, taking a seat in front of me on the couch. She's looking at me as if she knows something is off; because there is. I gaze at one of the photos of us together that we framed, a sudden excruciating pain hitting me. We weren't happy before this, we were never happy, but we were something. Anyone who would come into our modern, luxurious flat would think that we are the happiest and most fortunate couple alive, but that isn't the case.

We both know that we are deranged, that nothing can fix us. We know that we've been unhappy all of our lives, and that things don't ever change. I can sense her weakness just from here as I examine her, my heart shattering as I think of what's about to come. I know I love her, but in a different way to Tessa. Between Ash and I there is a brother-sister bond that makes us strong when we are at our lowest, even if she's the one that usually drags me down. But with Tessa it's way more than that. It's desire, lust, wanting to protect her from all the goddamned messes she's lived. There's a constant need inside me to be there, to be around her.