detachment ✔

26

It's been two weeks since Dylan broke the news to his wife, and it's been fourteen days of watching him in pain and suffering. I know how he feels, because that's exactly how I felt when I broke up with Josh. Once you leave someone... It does crazy things to you. You start regretting things, wanting to mend each other and wanting a fresh start. But that can't happen, because it's over. And you spend weeks telling yourself not to keep harming yourself by getting hooked on again onto that kind of pain.

That is exactly how I felt when I left Josh. But Dylan's situation is slightly different, even his emotions are the same as mine. He loved Ashley at a certain point, and she wasn't the one cheating. I think that if you're the one cheating then you don't feel as bad as the person who got fucked over. Because you're not aware of how much that other person wanted to hold onto a relationship, and you didn't even think about the consequences of the affair.

I'm not justifying Dylan cheating, not at all. I find it disgusting how he had sex with me whilst he was married to someone else. The only thing I know about the affair is that he did it because he was married to the wrong person, and he couldn't escape. I'm still mad at Dylan for cheating on Ashley, though. I don't think I'll forget about it, because no matter what the circumstances are, cheating is wrong.

Because I know what it feels like to be humiliated as a result of an affair. I know the feeling it creates inside you, and I know what that kind of pain feels like.

But I can't help feeling sorry when I see the pain in his eyes, because I know Dylan feels bad about the affair, unlike Josh. That's the striking difference between them, Dylan hurts others and feels like shit about it, but Josh just doesn't care. I'm sure he was pleased with the fact that he broke me. I'm sure he even opened a bottle of expensive-ass champagne to celebrate. Fucking bastard.

I haven't been to a place this fancy since the New Years Eve party Tyler's friend hosted, and with a good reason. I eye the entrance to the restaurant, hesitating before walking in. I know it's going to be difficult telling him about what's happened, since Dylan can't tell him himself. I feel everyone's eyes on me the moment I walk in, and I feel like slapping myself for wearing such heavy makeup to an expensive restaurant. My dress feels tight, which means I've bought a size too small. Fuck. It's like none of these expensive dresses fit me. The waiter greets me with a smile before asking me for the reservation name.

"Haden." I say, remembering Tyler's surname. The waiter checks the logbook on his screen, giving me a nod before taking me towards one of the tables at the back of the room. I'm two minutes early, but I'd rather be early than late. Dylan told me that snobs don't like it when guests arrive late, so I'd rather not let anyone down, snob or not.

I take out my phone, texting Dylan to let him know I'm here already. I insisted on not telling him where the restaurant was, just in case he wouldn't let me go if he changed his mind. I know he doesn't want to see Tyler for a long while because of an argument they both had, which is why I want him to have some space and have a break from Tyler for now.

I notice Tyler at the entrance, talking to the waiter before his eyes lock with mine. He says something to the waiter before the man turns around to look at me with a nod. Tyler walks over to the table, chewing on his lip nervously.

"Hi." I say awkwardly. The last time I saw him we were at his apartment, where Dylan told me he stayed for a few months. My last conversation with him didn't end very well, let's say.

"Hey."

"Uh... I firstly wanted to apologise for-"

"I get it, Shana. I shouldn't have told you."

"No, it's not that. I mean, you're right, it wasn't your business but-"

"I didn't know you were going to take it so badly."