I Can Handle Being Burned

The Secret That I Keep

I sat alone in my room staring up at the ceiling for the fifth time today. Contemplating the nothingness that is human existence. I suppose Sensei was supposed to be teaching me how to be a sensei myself but I guess he realized I needed time to be a alone for my own personal training; the control of my own mind.

Ever since the beginning evil has always had some type of bone to pick with me. First the snakes were mad at me for wanting to control them. I blame myself for that, but then it was the Overlord who only fought me because he was the other side of some cosmic balance. After his reappearance Chen took the place of darkness, his goal was to gain power only to fuel his ego and to be remembered. After him it was Morro a revenge seeker that wanted everything I never wanted.

I knew there were more to come. There always was. No matter how hard I tried to send these crooks the message IT always came back. The Darkness.

I was tired of it!

Every time peace came danger followed and I was always in the way. There was no way around it. Destiny was always going to use me as its pawn until the day I stopped breathing.

Sometimes it wasn't even the enemies I had to face, sometimes it would be the people who worship me like some type of god! None of them ever understood who I am! It was always my power or my status. It was driving me insane. I considered taking it all away. Leaving the wretched place to find another adventure waiting for me in the great beyond . But I couldn't do that.

I was the Green Ninja! I had a duty and I was gonna fulfill it. But there was another reason.

Him

When I thought of him my breathing faltered and my hands shook. My palms would grow warm and secrete sweat in my hands. My eyes would be caught in a state for which they would not blink. My heart would skip a beat and I would be paralyzed in this overwhelming feeling of wanting.

Daily I would find myself in a state if mind where nothing exists but me and him, but that's not how my life is supposed to work. I was going to grow up live alone for some time and train the next generation. One day in my thirties I'll find some girl and we'll have a kid. I don't really want kids, but it's my destiny. I was supposed to do this to make everyone happy.

The problem with that was that I didn't even like girls! As the Chosen one I could get any girl in Ninjago, but none of it was real, they said they loved me but it was a rouse and a sham. I had always had a pull towards other boys, maybe it was my awkward upbringing. Other than Nya and my mother girls had never been a part of my life. And that was okay, because i had a sweetheart inside.

I could never tell him how i felt because he would never accept me. He and his lover didn't work out, but that didn't mean anything. I couldn't be with another guy, what would they all say? Everyone has always been counting on me to make good choices, they tell me to follow my heart, but i know where my heart is leading an I know he would never understand. The secret would one day die with me and be buried in the ground at my side and fade to the dirt as i will one day.

The secret of loving Kai.

(okay that came out really sad and whatnot, but I'm trying a new writing style to make everything seem more dramatic. I won't write that morbidly all the time promise! I started a GREENFLAME FANFIC. YAY! this is gonna be so much fun I'm always open for suggestions, anyways, LOTS OF LOVE!)

-Ninja_of_Magic