"You have depression?"

Thoughts

It's been a while.. At least I think it has. It's passed 3 am and as always I am not really close to sleep. I just wanted to discuss thoughts for a bit. Often times at this time of night I get terrifying thoughts that won't go away unless I distract myself. But some days I run out of distractions. It's honestly terrifying to think that your whole life is in your hands. You can be whoever you want. Do whatever you want. Yet humans are so restricted and chained. Having depression or dealing with it is hard, I know. But you will get out of whatever mess you're in.. I promise you. Think about all you can do with your future. I know.. It doesn't seem worth it. I realize that's how I think a lot. But it is. If you don't want to live your life for you, use it to help other people. You can be someone who changes someone's life. You can be someone's hope, what they hold on to. Even if you don't realize it, being kind to one person can make their day so much better. I realized this when a girl who I never really met in my advisory simply said "Hi, how are you?" That one thing made me so happy. It made me think that other people actually care. You can be the person to do that. There are people who drag you down everywhere but you need to ignore those people or prove them wrong. You're better than that. Be who you want to be. Dress how you want to dress. Embrace whatever hobbies you have no mattes what others think of them. This is your life. Not theirs. Find your own happiness. You're worth it. You really are. Whatever makes you happy, chase it. If you find it, don't let it go. And every now and again close your eyes and take a deep breathe in, then out. Everything will be okay. Things will turn around. They will. And if no one believes in you, I do. Take a walk when it's dark out and enjoy the emptiness and beauty of outside. Stare at the moon for a while. There may seem to be no beauty in the world, but there is. It's all around you. Take a second and open your eyes. Look at yourself in the mirror. No matter what people say you are beautiful and strong. You've been through a lot and that's okay. You'll get through the eye of the storm. And really, there will be something good waiting for you. Stay strong, you got this. Your life is in your hands. Don't allow people to mold it for themselves. I feel like I am repeating this stuff and this whole chapter is a mess so I hope you have, or are having a good day. If you aren't, remember to look up at the sky. It's so open and free. Someday you will be too. Goodbye~A